Disclaimer: Based on a true story.
I was waiting for him to come meet me at the place we had decided. As I waited, I couldn't have felt more joyed about meeting him. And then he came and we quietly walked to the little restaurant we always went to. He was my best friend and my ex, but I was still in love with him and he didn't even know.
"Do you still do it?", Harry asked.
I knew what he was referring to, "I haven't done it in a while. I haven't cut for a month now."
"Good. You shouldn't."
We finished our food and left to go to the roof of the apartment building we lived in.
We stood there, watching the view. It was quite fascinating.
"You know, I always thought that that star was my grandfather. I always imagined that he would look at me from up there, and I would know all the happy things that happen are because of him", I said as I chuckled a little at the memory.
"It's sweet though, why would you laugh?", Harry asked, looming at me.
I looked at the star and said, "I'm not laughing, it's just a nice memory."
"You know that is the Orion's belt, the star you would think of as your grandfather", he said.
I turned my gaze toward him and smiled.
"Nerdy, I know", he said when I didn't say anything.
I turned towards him and replied, "It's not. I think it's good to know about things."
We stood close, so close. My heart started beating faster but then he turned. I shut my eyes close and breathed out.
I stood, my arm wrapped around his, head on his shoulder as we continued looking at the night sky.
It wasn't the most romantic thing to do, but this was us.
Suddenly we heard voices, he turned towards me and took me to a hidden place. We stood there, hearing the voices beneath.
Soon, they quieted down. He looked at me and took off my glasses and then, he kissed me.
At first, I couldn't comprehend what was happening but a second later I realised and wrapped my arms around his shoulder and kissed back.
He held my waist, pulling me closer as we shared the kiss.
Soon, we parted and ran back home as we heard voices again.
I walked in my house, a little dazed. I opened my phone and saw a text. It was from him- Harry.
"I am sorry, I shouldn't have kissed you. I know there is nothing between us and there is no scope of it but I feel awful after doing so. It will never happen again, I promise you that. I hope things stay normal between us. I hope you will understand."
The smile was wiped from my face as I saw the text. I controlled my tears as I saw what he had just sent.
I took in a breath and started typing, "Yeah. I will. Why do you think there is no scope of it, tho? Why did you say it was good that I stopped self harming?"
He instantly replied, "And self harming is never good. Once I moved from a thing, I never get back."
The moment I read the last line, I felt like slapping him, but I also needed answers, "So, why kiss me?", I replied.
"It happened. We'll talk later. Goodbye. And I'm sorry."
Just like always. "Can you face your own problems for once and not run away from them?"
"Why does everybody think, I run away?"
"Because you're doing just that. Just tell me how you feel. That's all I'm asking.", I typed.
"Why don't you understand? I don't know how I feel. I liked the kiss. I did. Maybe we have hope in the possible future."
Possible future?
"You're unbelievable. Text me when you figure out your feelings."
"What? Are you kidding? Fine. Whatever."
With that, I kept my phone down and let myself think about what had just happened. I let him destroy me again. I couldn't cry, I wouldn't. Not for him. Not now, not ever.
It had been days, he hadn't messaged me yet. I hadnt cried yet. I promised myself I wouldn't. I was breaking inside, so I decided. It was now or never.
I picked up my phone and typed, "Have you figured out how you feel yet?"
A few minutes pass and then he replies, "Nah. I was busy. It will come eventually."
My eyes widened at the message. Did he just-? I sucked up any tears that were ready to fall. I promised I wouldn't.
"Good for you", I replied.
"Can you talk normally for once?"
"You fucked up normal yesterday."
"Excuse me? Fine. I fucked up right? Let's not talk. Okay? Okay. Goodbye."
"You were busy weren't you? I just need to know your feelings. Is it that difficult for you to tell me how you feel?"
"I don't know them either."
Did he really need to do this then?
"You should've thought about it before you made that move. And you know it was not for a split second, we were both conscious.", I typed. I could feel my heart breaking piece-by-piece.
"If you get this topic one more time we are never talking. Get it?"
"You want me to forget it ever happened? You're unbelievable, Harry Styles." Is this how this was going to end?
"I don't want to talk about this."
"This is goodbye then. I'm sorry if I ever hurt you in anyway, Harry. I love you. Take care of yourself. Bye."
I waited for his text. I waited and waited, but it never came. It never came. I never got closure. I could feel my heart breaking. Wasn't the pain I was already suffering from, enough? Did everyone really had to find a way to hurt me?
I gasped, not wanting my tears to fall down as my eyes started welling up. I breathed and told myself to not cry. I can't cry. I wouldn't. This was it. This was how it was supposed to end. My love was taken away from me from the person itself. I should've never let my walls down.
I should've known. This was bound to happen. Heartbreak is all that I will ever have. I couldn't do this anymore.
I love him, and he doesn't even care enough to try.
_____________________
A/N:
Hii
I don't really know what to say. This has actually happened, it's very personal to me and I've been hurting for so long that I had to put it down here.
I hope you all like it, I really really do
Please please please vote and comment, I really need to know how you all feel about this! Please!
Also, checkout mandrita16 's fan fiction- Yes, No, Maybe.
Love,
S. x
