Revealing Kane

32 - It's Time

I can't stand this impasse between John and me. I don't want to fight with him, but I'm so scared of losing him. I truly wish he could stop using drugs, but he makes it seem impossible for him. I wish I could take that need away from him.

I know John loves me. He tells me and shows me often. But his insistance that he will fail me by hurting me drives me crazy. I just want us to be happy. I mean, we are, but his substance abuse is the shoe hovering above our heads and waiting to drop. I worry about him so often.

John leads me back to our bed and helps me lie down. Right now, I just want to cuddle with my husband and enjoy his comforting arms. I don't want to fight with him. I just want to love him. John pulls me to him, wrapping his arms around me. As I snuggle into him, I let out a huge sigh.

"This feels nice," I whisper.

"Yeah," John sighs and squeezes me just a little tighter.

We stay quiet, holding each other. Soon, moments like this might be a rarity. The baby will demand so much of our time. I hope John and I will still be able to connect with each other.

"I love you, Ally. I wish I could be a better man for you," he tells me.

"You're exactly the man I want. Flaws and all. I love you, John," I tell him, and he kisses my forehead.

I smile as I close my eyes and drift off.

"Ooh!" I exclaim as I jolt awake, my hands going to my large belly.

The pain that woke me isn't subsiding. In fact, it's intensifying. Breathe, Ally. Just breathe, I tell myself as I begin the quick, shallow breaths I learned in birthing class. I keep up the breathing, trying to deal with the pain until it finally starts to subside.

Once it's over, I look to John's side of the bed. Empty. Where is he? I call his name, and he doesn't respond. If I'm in labor, I need to find him. I sit up, stretching before I get out of bed. I pull on my robe and head into the bathroom. I relieve myself, wash my hands, and brush my hair. As I turn to exit, I feel the pain start again. I steady myself on the sink as I breathe through the intense pain. I'm trying to control my breathing, but this seems extreme. Is it supposed to hurt this much? When it finally subsides, I do the cleansing breaths, trying to calm myself. I then set out to find John.

I see the door to the guest room is open, so I go there first. Jack and Jean aren't there, and the bed is neatly made. Maybe they're all downstairs. I carefully make my way down the flight and waddle my way towards the kitchen. And just as I step over the threshold, the next contraction starts.

"Oh, God," I groan as I try to deal with the pain. It's definitely getting worse.

"Allison? Are you all right?" Jean asks as she turns to me from where she stands by the stove.

I'm breathing through this misery, so I can't answer her. I focus, trying my best to deal with the discomfort. Soon, it begins to subside, and I breathe out my tension. I wearily look at Jean, and her face is full of concern.

"I'm having contractions," I say, and the kitchen bursts into activity.

Jean rushes to my side, taking my arm and pulling me to the closest chair. Jack leaps to his feet and rushes from the room. I hope he's retrieving John from wherever he's hiding. I settle into the chair and give Jean a weary smile. This is just starting, and it already hurts so much. How am I going to actually give birth?

"Allison!" I hear, and John bursts into the room.

He crosses directly to me and drops to his knees at my feet. As his eyes meet mine, I reach out and caress his cheek.