Revealing Kane

34 - Grandma Love

Jack is now three weeks old, and he's growing like crazy. He smiles and makes little noises. I love him so much. And I think he looks so much like John. In fact, he's practically a carbon copy of him, except for his eyes. They seem to be turning green like mine.

I'm grateful for the three weeks Jean has stayed with us to help us learn how to be parents. Without her instruction, I might have hurt Jack by now. Having her calming presence around has been fantastic. But she's leaving soon. It's time for her to return to her life in Birmingham. At least I can call her whenever I need to. Yazzy helps me too, but she's often busy now that she's modeling again.

I'm a little jealous of Yasmin, to be honest. I wish I could go back to modeling, but Jack is my everything. He is more important than my career. And as much as I hate the thought, I'm not sure I want to go back to work. At least not like I was working before. Maybe I could find a way to work and still raise Jack myself. The thought of leaving him with a nanny or babysitter makes me want to cry. He's so tiny and helpless. He needs his Mama.

As for Jack's Daddy... John isn't home often. He's working, so that's a good thing. But I miss him terribly. We're lucky if we get to see each other for even a few minutes every day. It makes me worry.

I know John's not cheating on me... or is he? I hate that I doubt him, but his past does not bode well for him being faithful. I could ask Simon, but I really don't want to involve him in our relationship. It's bad enough they all tease John at times about me. And I still worry I won't feel the same for him. I just have to pray that John is being good.

I'm holding Jack close as he suckles my breast. He looks up at me as he feeds. He's so adorable. He might be the cutest baby ever. I love him to pieces. I'm so happy we have him.

I say we loosely. John is gone far too often, and when he is here, he's busy with something. I know financially it's good he's working, but I wish I could have him home with us. He's said it's just an on cycle right now. Hopefully, soon enough, he'll be home again.

Jean knocks lightly and then comes into the nursery. I look up and smile at her. Her face is full of grandmotherly love. She's smitten with Jack.

"Is he sleeping?" Jean quietly asks.

"Almost," I answer, returning my gaze to my baby.

"He reminds me so much of baby Nigel. It's uncanny, really," Jean says, and I giggle. "Do you know when John will be home? I'd like to see him before Papa Jack gets here."

That's the other sweet thing. Since the baby shares his name with his grandfather, we've all taken to calling the elder Jack Papa Jack. I love it so much.

"I honestly don't. Maybe Yasmin knows when the guys will be done today. I'll ring her as soon as the baby is done," I say, and Jean nods.

It's only a few minutes before Jack releases my nipple. I do myself up, then gently get to my feet and prepare to put him in the bassinet. Yet Jean steps in front of me with her arms open. I smile and carefully hand Jack off to her. I watch as she sits in the rocker and begins to sing and rock the baby. She loves her grandchild, that's for sure.

"I'll call Yasmin," I whisper and slip from the room, pulling the door shut.

Just as I turn to go downstairs, I realize someone is standing there. I shriek in terror even as my brain recognizes it's John. He grabs my arms to steady me as I let out a sigh of relief.

"You're home," I say as I hug him.

John hugs me back, nuzzling my neck and squeezing me tight. I've missed him so much. Even if it's just for the afternoon, I'm glad he's here.

"Allison, are you all right?" Jean says as she emerges from the nursery, holding Jack.

John melts at the sight of his son and reaches for him. Jean admonishes him not to wake the baby and carefully hands Jack off. John cradles Jack against his chest, slowly rocking him. I love to see John care for the baby. It touches my heart every time. He definitely loves his son.

"I'm glad you're home, John. Dad's picking me up soon," Jean tells him, and John looks up at her, shocked.

"You're leaving?"

"Yes, love. It's time. You and Allison will be fine. Jack seems to have settled into a routine. And you can call me whenever," Jean assures him, but John still looks put out.

"But what if-"

"You'll be fine," Jean adamantly tells him. "I can't stay forever. I have things to do, and you need your privacy."

"We don't," John says, and I giggle at his insistence.

Jean steps up to John, puts her hand on his arm, and says, "You'll be fine."

I know we will be. At least, I hope we will be. John seems so much more uncertain. Maybe it's because he hasn't spent as much time with Jack as I have. I approach John and lean into him, trying to convey my love for him. He turns to look at me and gently kisses me.

"As I said, you'll be fine. Allison is a great Mum. Jack will be fine," Jean assures us, and I look at her smiling.

Just then, the doorbell buzzes, and we all flinch. Jean looks momentarily sad, but then puts on a happy facade.

"That must be Jack. Let me get my things," Jean says and disappears into the guest room.

I look into John's eyes. He seems happy and sad at the same time. He's probably going to miss Jean. I know I will. But then he leans over and kisses me, making me smile.

"I love you," he whispers, and as Jean emerges with her bags, the buzzer goes once more.

John rolls his eyes, which makes me giggle. I follow as he heads for the stairs. Jean leads the way and reaches the front door first. When she opens it, John's Dad, Jack, bustles in.

"Hello, you lot. Is Grandmummy ready to go home?" Jack asks with a huge grin on his face.

"Take my things, please. I need to say goodbye," Jean says, shoving her bags at Jack.

I giggle at Jack's surprised expression while Jean walks over to John. She smiles at her son and grandson, giving each of them a kiss on the cheek. Then she turns to me and opens her arms. I move to her, and we embrace tightly.

"Call me," Jean whispers, and I nod as I fight tears.

Jean pulls from the hug as Jack reappears. Jean looks happy yet sad and blows each of us a kiss before disappearing out the front door. John and I step onto the front porch to watch as his parents leave. We wave as they drive off and then return inside the house.

It seems so quiet inside. We will all miss Jean's calming presence. But I think we'll be okay. I hope so, anyway.