Revealing Kane

41 - Trying??

John

I am so proud of Allison. She returned to modeling and picked right up where she left off. She's just as sought after as she was before Jack was born. Her career is going great, and I'm happy for her.

I, on the other hand, am flailing at best. Duran is in a down cycle, and I'm bored. I mean, I'm glad I'm home to take care of Jack, but music calls to me in a way no one else understands. I need to be creating something, not just piles of dirty diapers.

Don't get me wrong. I love Jack. He's my little playmate, and we're having loads of fun. I would just rather be creating. My bass is calling to me. And this kind of downtime gets me in trouble. I'm restless, and that's when I find less worthy pursuits to fill my time.

At least Allison and I are okay. We're a strong unit that cares for one another and our child. We love each other like mad. Yet I worry that she might be better off with someone else. Someone less fucked up. Someone with no addictions.

Our first anniversary came and went without much fanfare. Just a dinner out and a movie, as Allison needed to be up early the next day for a shoot. I would much rather have partied the night away, but honestly, when am I not up for a party? Maybe I should change that. Yet, I can't seem to be able to. I like living the high life.

Tonight, I'm going with Nick to see Julie Ann perform in a play on the King's Road. He's proud of her, and I'm glad. They've had loads of ups and downs, and I sometimes think they will split. I hope Allison and I never separate. I love her too much.

Nick and I are chatting with other friends before the show when a flash of red catches my eye. I turn to follow it and see a woman wearing a bright red riding jacket and leggings. Tally Ho! I think as my eyes travel over her figure. Curly blonde hair and curves for miles. She's a beauty, and I'm drawn to her.

The girl sees me staring and approaches. She introduces herself. Amanda deCadenet, daughter of race car driver Alain. Vroom! My motor certainly is racing. She chats with Nick and me until it's time to take our seats for the show. I watch her go off with friends and wonder if we can talk more later.

All through the show, I'm distracted. I'm thinking about Amanda. I've seen her in the tabloids, so I know of her 'Wild Child' reputation. I'll bet she drinks and parties like I do. I'll bet she's a wild one in bed. I'll bet she'd be willing to give me a go.

Wait a minute. What am I doing? I have a gorgeous wife and adorable baby waiting at home for me. Why am I even giving this Amanda girl a look? Allison is by far prettier than Amanda. But yet, there's something about Amanda that intrigues me. And that's dangerous.

At dinner after the show, my mind is still on Amanda. I can't seem to shake the impression she made, even if she is only eighteen. Why am I attracted to younger women? Then Nick starts talking about her and our conversation. He says he likes the way her mind works, and I have to agree. She does seem very intelligent, even if a bit debauched. Something we have in common.

It's Julie Ann who drags me, almost kicking and screaming, back to my life. She asks me about Jack and then Allison. By the look she's giving me, I know she's doing it on purpose. She must have seen the lust in my eyes when we were talking about Amanda. I should be grateful for her meddling, but instead, I'm perturbed. Right now, I don't want to be married with a baby. I want to be pursuing that red coat.

I return to the house after midnight, slightly drunk and majorly horny. That Amanda girl really got under my skin. I can't stop thinking about her. Those lips, those eyes, and how they would look as she looked up at me from her knees as she blew me. Fuck! I've got to get her out of my system before she gets me in trouble.