Revealing Kane

13 - In Deep

I am lying in John's arms after we made love for the first time in months. I have my head on his shoulder, my leg hooked over his, and my hand on his chest. I can feel him touching my hair as we cuddle together. I feel happy, satisfied, and in love.

I know it was a spur-of-the-moment statement born of joy and sex, but John asked me to marry him. Did he mean it? Does he genuinely want that? He's been engaged twice before, so a part of me thinks he is rushing ahead a bit. We honestly haven't known each other for that long. How can he be so sure of us for the long haul?

I snuggle in closer to John, and I feel him kiss my hair. I know he loves me. I do not doubt that for one moment. Yet his track record with long-term relationships isn't that great. How do I know I won't end up his next ex-girlfriend? And as the mother of his child, how will I figure in his life if we do break up? I'm back to feeling uncertain and scared. Scared of what the future holds for us.

John kisses my hair again and then gently pulls away from me. I watch him, wondering what he is doing as he rounds the end of the bed. When he picks up his trousers and starts to put them on, panic slams into my chest. Is he leaving?

"John?" I say as I turn to face him.

"Sleep, sweetheart. I'm going to go home. I'll see you tomorrow, alright?" he says as he redresses.

"But why? Stay with me," I say, sitting up.

"Your bed is too small, lovey," he says with a laugh.

"We were curled up just fine," I argue, but he continues to dress. "Please don't go."

John sighs and steps over to the bed. He cups my face in his hand and gently kisses me. But as he pulls away, I grab his hand and pull him back.

"Is everything okay?" I ask.

John sighs again as he shifts and sits on the bed next to me.

"I don't want us to be apart either, but I know I won't be comfortable in this bed. I'm too tall, and I'm honestly used to my bed. You could come with me..."

"I have to get up early for a shoot," I sulk. "But maybe another night."

"Or maybe... You could just move in with me," John offers, and my mouth drops open.

"John. I would love that, but are we moving too fast? Living together? Becoming parents? Getting engaged? It all feels... Rushed," I tell him and see anger flush his face.

"I love you. I want to be with you. Don't you want the same?"

"Of course I do. But is it too soon for all that?"

"You're pregnant, and I can't change that. There's no harm in living together. And we're not engaged. Not yet," John says tersely, and I know he's getting angry.

"But you said 'marry me,'" I argue.

"I was feeling you out. Until I get down on one knee with a ring, we're not engaged," John snaps, and I lower my head as I quietly say, 'Okay.'

John stands up and pulls on his tee shirt. He then gathers his shoes and sits on the bed to put them on. I can tell by his jerky movements that he's mad. I can't let him leave like that, so I scoot over, put my hands on his shoulder, and lean in to kiss his cheek. He pauses while I do it and then resumes tying his sneakers. When he finishes, I kiss his cheek again, and he lets out a sigh.

"I don't want to be angry with you, Allison. Let's see how things go, okay? Think about what I said, and we'll talk tomorrow," he says more gently, and I agree. "I love you," he adds, turns and kisses me, and then gets to his feet. "Tomorrow," he says and leaves the room.