Revealing Kane

11 - Finding Footing

It's been great reconnecting with John. We've been taking things slowly, even if neither of us really wants to. It's mostly so we don't get lost in the lust and therefore focus on the relationship. We're in the place we were before we split. Eating dinner, snogging each other's faces off, and then going our separate ways. It's lovely and feels fantastic.

I'm working more and more all of the time, and John is one hundred percent supportive. He loves that I've built up such a following. He is proud of me and wants me to work as long as possible. But I worry that once I start to show, my workload will quickly diminish. John agrees with Yasmin that it won't. I guess only time will tell.

Speaking of Yasmin, now that John and I have reconciled, I've been chatting with Yasmin again. It's lovely to have her support and love through this life transition. She's so excited for me as I grow in my career and life.

I've just finished a long day of back-to-back shoots, and I'm tired. I get a cab to my flat, and when I arrive, I am greeted by John. I gave him a key a few days ago, and it is lovely to come home to him. He kisses me, takes my coat and bag, and takes my hand. As he leads me toward the kitchen, I realize something smells good.

"Have you cooked?" I ask, hearing how I'm beginning to sound English with my intonation.

"Yes, lovey. I made us Cornish hens with roasted potatoes and asparagus," John proudly tells me as he motions to my little kitchen table.

"You did not!" I exclaim, more surprised than in denial at the food I see.

"I assure you, I did," he tells me. "Go on and sit. I'll dish up."

I take my usual seat at the table and proudly smile up at John. I am so glad that we're together again. The last several days with him have been almost idyllic. I can't wait to have more with him, like a married life. I think he'd make a wonderful husband. But that bit is up to him.

John fills our plates with delicious looking food and then takes his seat beside me. He pauses, knowing I say a quiet prayer before eating, and then launches into his account of the day. He sounds excited about his work in Duran, as they will soon be going to Italy for some promotional work.

"So, I was wondering if you would come with me? We can spend a few days, see a few sights, and just be together. What do you say?"

I'm flabbergasted. John is asking me to travel with him. What does that mean for us? Are we going to become more serious? And what about my job? Can I take off for a few days? My silence must be upsetting John, though, because I can see his demeanor tighten. I have to stop any misunderstandings before this spins out of control. I won't allow a repeat of that night.

"I would love to, John. I just need to check with Diane and see if I'm scheduled. Can you give me the dates?" I say, trying to calm the brewing turmoil.

I see John's face smooth immediately. He nods and smiles at me before continuing to eat. Thank goodness, as I'm too tired to deal with any drama. The row has been averted.

After we finish eating, we wash the dishes side by side at my little sink. I like being this close to John without the sexual side. Don't get me wrong, I miss sex with him badly, but I like that we can be together without rushing to sex. That we are content just to be. It must mean that our relationship is evolving into something more serious. More permanent.

Once done in the kitchen, we retreat to the living room, where we cuddle up on the couch. It's not long before we're making out, as usual. But John surprises me when he moves on top of me. My body reacts, bowing under him, but my mind isn't here yet. I break the kiss and look up at him.

"This all right?" John immediately asks as he grinds his hardness against me.

"I- I guess," I say as I avert my eyes.