Revealing Kane

40 - Grand Return?

After a wonderful family Christmas in Birmingham with the Taylors and a fantastic New Year's with the LeBon's, I feel I am fully ready to return to work. I'm excited to be getting back into the world of modeling, and I'm delighted John is in a down cycle to be able to care for Jack. Everything is working out as I'd hoped it would.

There's been plenty of preparation for my return. I've been storing breast milk in the refrigerator all week to make sure John won't have any feeding issues. I've been doing yoga and light weights to lose the last of my baby flab. I've even been practicing posing in front of the mirror. I'm ready to do this.

I'm up early on the second of January to get ready. Shower, shave, tea and toast. Simple clothes to change out of. Breast pump packed in my bag. Models One is sending a car to pick me up. It's a green light.

Just as I go to the front door, John comes down with Jack. They both look adorably sleepy, so very alike, and it makes me smile.

"Mama," Jack says, reaching for me.

"Good morning, lovey," I say as I take him from John. "I've only got a moment before I've got to go. Are you sure you're all right?" I say to John as I bounce my baby boy on my hip.

"We'll be fine, right Jack?" John says, so the baby turns to look at him with his big toothless grin.

"Dada!" Jack shouts and leans toward John.

I hand him off just as the doorbell rings.

"That's me. Gotta go, boys. See you later. Love you both," I say, give them each a kiss, and I'm off.

As I close the car door, I look towards the house and see John waving Jack's little hand goodbye. I giggle and blow them a kiss even as my eyes fill with tears.

I'm soon at the photography studio, and the whirlwind of a shoot takes me over. Hair, makeup, clothes, and then I'm in front of the camera. At first, I feel a little awkward and stiff, but then my body remembers how to do this, and I'm soon posing and twirling for the photographer's lens. I change outfits several times and don't realize how much time has passed until we are finished. I'm stunned by the time on the clock. It's early afternoon already. We've been here for hours. And now I feel guilty for being away from Jack for so long.

Tears well in my eyes as the dresser helps me out of the last outfit. I have to check on Jack. I'm not sure John can handle him all day by himself. What if something happens to Jack? I'll never forgive myself.

My thoughts spiral deeper and deeper. I've got to get home, but Diane wants to see me when I'm done. Maybe returning to work was a bad idea. I miss Jack and don't want anything to happen to him because I selfishly went back to work. I don't need to work. I wanted to, but now, I'm not so sure.

The dresser must see my distress because she gives me a look of concern. I tell her it's my first day back after having a baby, and she melts. She says it was hard for her when she returned to work after her little one, but she also says one gets used to it. Maybe I just need to give it some time. Get myself and Jack accustomed to this new routine.

"Would you like to ring home? Make sure all is okay?" the kind woman asks.

"If I could, that would be great," I gratefully tell her.

"This way," she says, leading me to a small office. "This is Tommy's office. I don't think he'll mind, but keep it short, okay?"

I nod and hurry to the phone. I dial the number to the house and sigh heavily when it starts to ring on the other end. But after several rings, John has not picked up. Fear begins to creep over me as I wonder what has befallen my husband and baby. Why isn't John answering? What if something's wrong? He wouldn't know where to get ahold of me.

"I gotta go," I blurt as I drop the receiver into its cradle. "Thanks! Bye!" I say as I grab up my things and hurry for the door.

The car is waiting to take me to the agency. I climb in and ask the driver to hurry. Thankfully, we're not far from the office, so we're soon there. I burst out of the car and run inside. The receptionist greets me, but I'm too frantic to be nice. I bolt past her desk and down the hall to Diane's office. I don't even knock; I just throw open the door and run in like a mad woman.

"Allison? What is going on? Are you all right?" Diane says as my eyes wildly scan the room.

Then I hear the one voice that will bring me back down to earth.

"Ally? What's the matter, babe?"

John. John is here. That's why he didn't answer the phone. He's here, visiting Diane. Jack sees me and shouts his gleeful, 'Mama!' and I rush to him, taking him from John. As I cover my baby's face with kisses, I can feel my heart finally slowing in my chest. John stands and comes to me, slipping his arms around my waist. I relax even more in his embrace. We're all here. Everyone and everything is okay.

"All right?" John whispers as he looks into my eyes.

"I'm okay now. I called the house, and when you didn't answer, my mind went off the rails," I tell him, and he kisses my forehead.

"I should have told you we were going out. Sorry to worry you, love. But we're okay," John assures me.

I snuggle into his chest, feeling the safety and comfort I've always felt in his arms. Jack squirms in between us, and I pull back to look at his darling face. He gives me a smile - John's beautiful smile - and I melt even more.

"How did the shoot go?" John asks as I play with Jack's fingers.

"It went well. Time flew by. I think the pictures will turn out great," I tell him, and then Diane.

"Well, I just told John how many shoots I've already scheduled for you. You're going to be very busy again," Diane says, but instead of feeling happy, I fill with concern.

Work is going to keep me from Jack and John.

"Can I pace myself? Just for a little while? Maybe until I get used to being away from my family," I say, and both Diane and John's brows furrow.

"You don't want the work?" Diane asks.

"I do!" I say overly eagerly. "I just... Jack and John mean everything to me. I don't want to miss out on anything," I explain, saying it more to John than Diane. He gives me a look that is full of love.

"You won't. We can schedule you time off whenever you want," Diane offers, and I nod my agreement. "But when can we get your lovely family in a feature? I'm sure I could get interest in that."

I hesitate again. I don't mind John and I being in magazines and the like because it's our job. But Jack? He's just a baby. And do I want his face all over the world? I mean, he will be well known just because of who his parents are, but to purposely put him out there? I'm not sure I want to do that to him.

I look to John. I can see he is just as unsure. I've got to give us a chance to decide together. I'm not going to leap head first without at least discussing it with John.

"That sounds nice, but can you give us some time to think about it?" I gently say to Diane as my eyes hold John's.

He gives me a small smile and nod of approval. He agrees with my statement.

"Oh, sure! I was simply floating the idea out there. Just let me know, and we'll get you booked," Diane tells us, and I nod, even as my gaze is still on John.

Just then, Jack starts to fuss quietly, meaning he either needs to be changed or is getting hungry. And that is my cue to get us out of here.

"If there's nothing else, I'll see you tomorrow, okay? Jack's going to be right cross soon," I say to my boss, and she smiles.

"That's fine. But I must say both marriage and motherhood look good on you, Allison. You look truly happy," Diane tells me, and I finally look at her.

"I really am," I tell her, knowing it's the absolute truth.

It takes me a couple of days, but I'm soon back in the swing of things with modeling. I'm not working really long days like I had before, but I am very busy. John says he loves spending time with Jack, which is also great. Maybe I can have it all - work and a family. I guess time will tell.