Revealing Kane

42 - Celebrations

Allison

I am so happy about where I am in my life. I never thought I could have this kind of life. It is so full of love and success that sometimes I worry it is too good to be true. Both John and Jack complete my life in so many ways.

I'm a busy and well-sought-after model, as my career has evolved beyond just shoots and covers. The catwalk is my newest adventure, and I love walking for prominent designers. The clothes I strut in these shows are so unique and interesting. I've met many famous models, but the best is when I get to work with Yasmin. I love her so much, and I'm glad we can work together.

Just before my birthday, Yasmin and I are both on the catwalk for Chanel. Chanel! I am just a new face, while Yasmin is a featured model. I love being with her, but the best bit is John happily beaming at me from the front row with Simon.

We're backstage after the show, talking and celebrating a successful walk with the other models, when I realize Yasmin doesn't have a glass of champagne. I immediately get her one, but she quietly refuses it. I think it is strange, but I brush it off.

Simon and John soon join us, both of them congratulating us. I'm chatting with John and another model when I notice Simon and Yasmin kissing. They are so sweet together. But then I see Simon caress her lower belly, just as John did when I was expecting. I wonder if Yasmin is pregnant.

From the show, the four of us go to dinner, laughing and talking like good friends do. Yasmin still isn't drinking like the rest of us. It is there that Simon makes a toast.

"To the two best models in the world," he says, making Yasmin jokingly scoff.

"Hardly. More like best in Knightsbridge," she says, and I clink my glass with hers, giving her a wry smile.

"To the two best mums," John says, and to that, I agree, smiling as I clink glasses with him.

"To more babies," Simon says.

"Here, here," John adds, raising his glass.

I laugh and clink my glass with both guys. But then I notice Yasmin is silent with her head bowed. My smile falters as I wonder what is wrong. I know she's had a couple of miscarriages, so I wonder if she's had another. Simon sees her sullen face as well, so he leans over, kisses her cheek, and whispers something. She nods and puts on a smile for him, so he kisses her.

"Tell them," Yasmin whispers, so he kisses her again.

Simon then turns to us, his face full of hope and happiness.

"While we're toasting, we'd like the two of you to be the first to know," Simon says, looking at Yasmin. "Yasmin is going to have another baby. She's due in September," Simon beams as Yazzy blushes.

"Congratulations!" both John and I shout as I lean over to hug Yasmin.

"That's so great!" I tell her, but she still seems a bit sheepish. "But is everything okay?"

"I'm not quite twelve weeks. I've had miscarriages at this point, so I wanted to wait to make sure everything was okay before we shared the news. But as you can tell, Simon is very happy about it," Yasmin tells me, looking at her husband with love and slight annoyance.

"But you've been to the doctor? Everything's okay?" I ask.

"Yes, and yes. I'm hoping this little one is happy in there. The pain of loss is too much to bear," Yasmin tells me, her eyes brimming with tears.

"I can imagine. But let's stay positive. This baby will be happy, healthy, and be born when it's supposed to be," I declare, and Yazzy giggles.

"I do love you," she says and hugs me tight.

My birthday - number twenty - is celebrated at home with just Jack, John, and the LeBons. It's nothing fancy, but exactly what I want. John buys me a lovely aquamarine ring for my pinky, and I love it.

Now Jack's first birthday in May is an absolute party. All of our friends and both sets of grandparents help celebrate his first year. Jack runs around the backyard, playing with the balloons we have everywhere. He also grabs handfuls of the cake instead of blowing out the candles. I have to bathe him as he has icing everywhere.

That night, after everyone has left and Jack is in his crib, John and I lie in bed talking after sex. It's there that I broach a difficult subject.

"What do you think of me weaning Jack? I mean, it's such a pain in the ass to pump my milk between shoots. It's just getting to be too much," I tell John, hoping he understands.

"What did the Mums say?" John asks.

"Both of our moms bottle-fed. They've no clue what it's like. Jack's eating solid foods now, so he doesn't need to be as dependent on my milk."

"It doesn't matter to me. You're his mum, and you always do right by him. I trust your decision," John tells me, and I nod.

"There's only one other thing. Weaning Jack means I will become fertile again. Do you want me to pick up some condoms at the store?" I offer, and John looks harshly at me.

He has not had to use condoms since we were first dating. I know he's not fond of them, but do we want another baby right now?

"Can't you get birth control?" John asks sharply.

"I can not take hormones while I'm still feeding Jack. But I guess once my cycle starts back up after he's weaned, I can get on the pill," I tell John, and after a moment of looking at me cautiously, he nods, kisses me, and gets out of bed.

I watch John walk into the en suite bathroom. Why did that conversation get so tense? Why is he averse to wearing a damn condom? I know they supposedly affect his sensations, but wouldn't it be better than another baby too soon? Maybe I'm worrying about nothing, really. John will come around when he's had a good night's sleep. I snuggle in and am just drifting off when John rejoins me. He kisses my shoulder, and then I hear him settle into the bed. Within moments, he is lightly snoring - how do men do that? - and I soon join him in slumber.

By John's birthday a month later, Jack is fully weaned from my breast, but I am not on the pill, nor are we using any kind of contraception. It's risky, but I haven't had my period yet. I'm still okay, right?