Revealing Kane

46 - Painful

I'm standing in front of the British Airways ticket counter, pondering what I should do. I only have two choices. Fly to the States and forget about John, or go back to the house and have it out with him. I look at Jack and know forgetting John would be impossible. Having to look at his carbon copy every day would be the hardest part.

I can't believe we are in this place. I can't believe John has cheated on me. Why? What did I do? Or are we simply not meant to be together? Maybe our love isn't enough.

The baby within me kicks me, and my eyes fill with tears. I have two children with that man, and he couldn't stay faithful to me. Maybe all that bullshit way back when about his fame affecting our relationship wasn't so far from the mark. I don't think John knows how to live outside of it. He doesn't know how to be private or normal. His life has been a whirlwind since his early twenties. He no longer knows how to live without it. And because of that, he can't love himself or anyone else properly. What do I do?

I love John so much. Mostly because I know who he could be if he forgot his famous persona around me. He's a sweet and loving man, but he just can't live a normal life. He thinks he has to be on all the time. I see it whenever we go out. How he looks for recognition. He craves it like a drug. It has to be exhausting.

"Can I help you, miss?" the woman behind the ticket counter says, a look of concern on her face.

"I don't think you can," I say, gather my things and Jack, and leave the airport.

When the cab pulls up in front of the house, I pay the driver and get out, putting Jack down so I can carry our cases more easily. He runs to the front stairs and begins to slowly crawl up them.

"Be careful, Jack," I call to him as I turn away from the cab.

"Home, Mama!" Jack yells as he excitedly climbs.

"Yes, we're home, sweetheart," I say, but my heart is heavy.

I know John is in there. I know we have to discuss what happened. I know we're going to get in a fight. I hate that he's done this to us.

"Dada!" Jack yells, and I look to see John hurrying to our son.

John scoops up Jack and plants numerous kisses on his little face. John is a good Dad. I know he loves Jack. It's me that seems to be the problem.

"Dada. Big planes," Jack tells him.

John's face falls for a moment, but he quickly recovers. He doesn't want Jack to see his emotions.

"Did you see the big planes? Were you at the airport?" John asks Jack with a big smile to show his excitement about what Jack is telling him.

"Yes! Mama says we fly, but not now," Jack explains.

"Why not?" John says, his eyes on me.

John's eyes are full of sorrow and regret. Yet I can't let him sweet talk me. This has to be resolved, and the only way to do that is to fight it out.

"We need to talk," I say, my voice clipped and stern.

"I agree," John returns, so I start up the stairs. "Thank you," John adds as I pass him.

"Don't be too grateful just yet," I call over my shoulder just before I step into the house.

I go straight to the kitchen and pick up the phone. I dial the LeBon's number. John comes in, eyeing me warily. He has no idea what's in store for him.

"Hi, Yazzy," I say when she picks up. "Would you mind watching Jack for a little while? John and I need some time to talk, and it won't be pretty," I tell her while I glare daggers at John.