Angel (H.S AU)

Chapter Thirty-Four

Harry and I go inside his house and head to his bedroom. He didn't speak the whole way home, he just coughed, a lot, which the doctor said would happen. He sits down on his bed and I sit next to him, not really sure what to say. He holds my hand tightly, as if he's afraid I'll leave again.

I decide to break the silence. "What happened, Harry..?" He sighs, "I can't tell you, Alexa." He shakes his head, and tears come to his eyes. What could have happened? I mean, I know he took too many drugs and had way too much alcohol, along with getting in a fight, but I want to know why all of that happened.

"Why, Harry?" I don't want to push him, but I'm also worried. "You'll never forgive me." He whispers. I tear rolls down my cheek and I begin to fear what could have happened. "Harry, no matter what, I will always forgive you. I love you." He stands up in frustration. "It doesn't matter how much you claim to love me, I screwed up, okay! You don't get it, you don't fucking get it!" He turns to the wall and punches it, in a moment of anger.

Louis rushes into his room, and looks over to Harry and then to me. He doesn't say anything, no one says anything and maybe it's because no one knows what to say, or maybe it's because no one knows how to address the elephant in the room - the fact that I left, and caused Harry's life to turn into a bigger mess than it was before.

Harry storms out of the room and heads outside. I have no idea where he would be going, but I know that he isn't getting far because I can hear him coughing terribly out the front. Unsure what to do, I begin to cry. Not because I'm sad, because I'm frustrated. Everything I do leads to a worse situation, but I just keep pushing Harry further and further and now he won't even talk to me. It's as if I thought that I could just keep leaving and coming back, and expecting him to accept me back each time. I realise now I can't do that, but it may be a little late, unfortunately.

"Alexa, I'm sorry.. I should've told you when things were getting bad." Louis says. I shake my head, "This isn't anyones fault but my own, Louis." He nods, and walks away, leaving me alone in Harry's room. Maybe I need to leave for good. Maybe we need to be over for good.

Harry quickly walks into the room. "Why did you leave? You fucked me up, Alexa." I frown and close my eyes in attempt to stop the tears I can feel surfacing. "I'm sor-" I try to apologise once again, but he stops me. "No, I don't want another apology, they hold no weight anymore, Alexa. I don't want sorry and excuses, I just want the truth. Do you even care? Because you know I thought about it and I feel like if you truly did care about me, you wouldn't have left in the first place. I don't want to be selfish, but shouldn't I be your first priority if you really do love me? I'm not your first choice, your job always ends up coming first and you can't deny that."

I nod, "You're right." He frowns, "Really?" I nod, "I was kind of thinking the same thing." I wipe a tear from my cheek and stand up. I guess this is where I say goodbye and not the goodbye where there's still a small chance of hope for us, but the goodbye where I leave his life for good, in hopes that he can finally move on.

"I hope you find happiness, Harry." He looks away from me, making this somewhat easier, but also a lot harder. "I shouldn't have put you through all of that, you didn't deserve it. I didn't care enough, I didn't consider you, and I am sorry for that. It wasn't fair of me." He doesn't say anything, and as much as I wish he would say something, I'm not really expecting him to, so I walk out towards my car.

"Wait." Harry says when I'm at the front door. "You deserve to know what happened. I met this other girl and we started to hang out. I started to drink a lot and she and I spent a lot of time at clubs, with the wrong company. I started to take drugs without a care about what they would do to me and drugs are what got me in the most trouble. I ran out of money and couldn't afford to buy them, so I started to steal them and I got caught - the girl who I thought I could trust turned me in to the dealer, and he had his way with me. I was at the club and took more than I ever had, mixed with way too much alcohol and before I knew it, he was hitting me over and over again, and I couldn't fight back. And then everything went black and I woke up in the hospital. That's what happened, in a nut shell I guess."

"I do love you, Alexa, but you leaving caused too much trouble in my life. I can't let it happen again." He turns around and walks to his room. I have no idea where Louis is right now, but I kind of wish he was right he with me, because all I need right now is a hug. Not that I really deserve a hug.

I entered Harry's life and wanted to fix him, I wanted to help, but I put him in a worse place than he was in before and in the process, I ruined myself too. This is not me, I never mess up someone's life this much. I am destructive both to the people around me and myself, and I have no idea what to do about it.