Angel (H.S AU)

Chapter Sixteen

- Harry's P.O.V -

I check my phone for the hundredth time since she left. It's been a month, and I haven't heard form her once. I know it's pathetic of me, and I shouldn't expect her to with how I said goodbye, but I didn't know what else to do. And I know I should be the one to call her, but I'm shit with stuff like this. I'm not good with emotions, and if I'm being completely honest, I didn't want her to go. I miss her like hell, fuck do I miss her. I miss her smile, I miss her laugh, I miss her. I feel like any chances of her coming back are gone because of me. If I didn't open my mouth and tell Stacey that Alexa had been seeming flat and that I thought it was my fault, she'd still be here. On top of that, we had sex and finally admitted that we loved each other, and afterwards I was a dick and acted like nothing happened. Why do I have to be so fucked up?

I have to go see her. I can easily convince Natalie to let me out. I grab a back pack and shove in a few clothes and whatever else I'll need. Let's hope it's only Natalie in the foyer. I have to say I'm pretty lucky that I know Natalie on a different level to most of the patients here, so getting out will be easier. When I enter the foyer, it is empty. I walk over to Natalie, hoping she's in a good mood. "Natalie I'm going to see Alexa." She frowns, "Fine." I knew she wouldn't put up a fight.

After a long fucking time trying to find the right train, I luckily find a spare seat. The trip isn't too long and it's still early. I know where she works and it shouldn't be too hard to find, I'm just hoping that she doesn't hate me after how I left things. SHe has every right to hate me, but I hope with every fibre of my being that she doesn't. I finally arrive at the train station, and it turns out Alexa's work is right down the road.

When I arrive at her work building, I head inside the fancy building and ask for her floor. I thought it'd be a much harder mission trying to get here and find her, but things are going my way for once. The receptionist gives me her floor number and hands me a piece of paper. Her number. I pass it back to her, "No thanks." Fake, blonde and ugly isn't my type.

I step out of the elevator and see camera equipment everywhere. I can't see Alexa but she has to be here somewhere. I look around and see many models all way too thin to actually be considered healthy, but I don't see her. I walk further in and look around more, she must be in a dressing room. "Excuse me, are you looking for someone?" An older woman asks me. "Um.. yeah." She frowns, "Who?" I look around once more. Can't see her, may as well ask this woman. "Alexa." She looks down at a board and searches through a few pages, "Alexa Hall, dressing room three. Just over there." She says, pointing me in the right direction.

I head over to her dressing room, unsure how she's going to react. I knock lightly, "Come in!" It's her. I missed her voice so much. Please don't be mad, please don't be mad. I open the door and walk in, to find her in a stunning long gown that only boosts how beautiful she already is. I can tell she has lost weight, it's definitely noticeable and it makes me a little mad because she was perfect before she lost any weight. She doesn't see me or say anything at first, I guess she probably thinks it's just another person that works here. She continues to fiddle with the dress, her back turned to me. "Hey." She stops moving and it's as if her body has literally frozen. I walk over to her, and stand a few steps away from her.

"What are you doing here?" She says, back still turned to me. "I had to come and see you." My heart beats faster. She's angry at me. The one person I have ever met that I actually kind of care about, doesn't even want to look at me. "I had to see you." She finally turns around and I see noticeable tears swelling in her eyes. "Why didn't you call me? Or text? When I didn't hear from you after a week I assumed... Forget it, it doesn't matter." She walks past to me and begins to do her makeup. "It does matter, Alexa." I decide to dodge her question of why I didn't call.

"If it mattered you wouldn't have waited a month."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm busy, Harry. You need to go."

"Alexa-"

"Harry, go."

She walks out of the room leaving me alone in the dressing room. This is not how I wanted today to go. I thought she'd be mad, but I didn't think she wouldn't even speak to me. I have fucked up, and I'm not sure how I can possibly fix this.

- Alexa's P.O.V-

"Who was that?" Megan asks me as I walk out my dressing room, leaving Harry alone in there. I can't believe he actually came here. After a whole month of no contact, not even a simple text, he has the nerve to come here and expect me to talk to him. "Harry." I tell Megan. She knows all about him after my first week back at work when he was constantly on my mind. I decided that if I couldn't see him or talk to him I could at least talk to someone else about him, and that person was Megan.

I'd come to the point where I was almost okay with the fact that the chapter of Harry in my life was over, but now that he's back I feel like I'm back at step one in trying to get over him. I was doing just fine without seeing him or speaking to him, and he's ruined my progress. I want to yell at him and tell him how upset I was for a whole week when he didn't even bother to contact me, but I almost feel like it's a waste of energy.

I'll admit that I'm not happy. I'm loosing weight uncontrollably and I don't have any happiness, but I can't help that. This is my life, and this is my job. Eventually I'll be happy again, once I have completely removed Harry from my life and find someone who truly cares about me in a way that Harry can't and didn't. Maybe if I didn't share such an intimate moment with him and admit to him that I loved him this would be easier. I just need to move on. Then I can try to be happy again.

After finishing work it's time for my daily routine, take away dinner, watch some tv, go to bed. I get in the elevator and go down to the bottom floor. Upon walking into the foyer, I see him. He is still here. I try to avoid him, but it's a little hard to walk out of here without him seeing me. "Alexa, wait." I keep walking, and step outside.

"Alexa!" He yells loudly, anger in his voice. I turn around and see him waiting at the door, "What, Harry?! What do you want?" He walks over to me, "I want you to talk to me." I sigh, "I have nothing to say to you Harry." I really don't have anything I need or want to say to Harry. I just want to move on. "Please can we just get dinner. I'll leave right after." I don't want to be with Harry any longer, but I know that if I don't let him stay he's only going to pester me. "Fine. But we're just having take away at my place."

We arrive back at my flat after too much silence. I know he can tell that I'm mad, and I should try to be nice, but I don't care too much anymore. I spent too long trying to make sure Harry was okay and trying to make sure he was happy. It's time I look after myself.

After an also silent dinner, Harry and I sit at the table and somehow find ourselves looking into each others eyes. "Alexa, something has changed in you. Towards yourself.. and me. You're being distant, and I get it, I hurt you but you have to know I miss you, and I love you." I smirk, "You don't love me, Harry. If you loved me, you wouldn't have hurt me." I decide not to comment on myself changing, because it's really none of his business.

"You're not happy." Can't he just drop this. "That's not for you to worry about, Harry. I'm trying to move on from us.. whatever we were, and you need to respect that." He nods, "Well I'll leave you alone if that's what you want. Is that what you want?" He holds his eyes on mine, and I can't look away. Is that what I want? Yes and no. "Is it what you want, Alexa?" He asks me again. I want to move on, I know I do, but hearing him say it makes it sound so much worse. This is what he does to me, he captures a part of me that can't let go of him.

"Is it what you want, Harry?" He frowns, "No. I want to be with you! I'm afraid to be without you." I wish he could've said these things to me earlier. I wish I could've known these things a few months ago. Things would be so different. "I thought you weren't afraid of anything, Harry." I stand up, grabbing his things and handing them to him so he can leave. He looks up at me and his eyes are glassy with tears, "I've never felt this way about anyone, Alexa." I walk to the door and open it for him to leave, "You need to go."

He finally agrees, and heads out of my apartment. He gets in the elevator and look at me while the doors close. Was this the right decision? I hope so. Seeing him disappear like that hurts, but it's the right thing to do. I can't be with Harry, we aren't good together. He will just constantly hurt me and we will be stuck in a vicious cycle that isn't good for either of us.