Angel (H.S AU)

Chapter Forty Eight

There come's a time where I think everyone realises that life never turns out perfectly. You can plan and plan all you want, but things will never go how you expect them to. I never expected that I'd be here in America, pregnant with Harry's baby yet without Harry.

*I am who I am and I won't change. Not for you, not for anyone.*

I read over the last text that Harry sent me, after the biggest fight we ever had. You'd think your biggest fights would be the ones you have when you're actually in a relationship, not the one you have four months after the breakup. Everything had been so up and down with Harry. He was so indecisive about whether or not he wanted to be apart of his childs life and whether or not he wanted anything to do with me. In the end, I got sick of how he was acting, I got sick of who he was being and the fact that he couldn't budge, he couldn't change the tiniest bit for anyone. He was selfish, so damn selfish. And it turned into the longest, hardest and most emotional fight I've ever experienced. Everything, and I mean absolutely everything, came to the surface. Things I'd forgotten were brought up, things I didn't want to remember, and he hurt me more than he ever had before. I guess I'm guilty too - I didn't exactly hold back. In the end, we never really came to a resolution, the only reason he left my apartment was because the neighbours called the police. Maybe that text message is the only resolution I'll get.

And now I lay here on my couch extremely exhausted. Emotionally and physically exhausted. I haven't eaten in days. I haven't slept in days. Everything is honestly just fucked up. Really fucked up. I think there's a lot of danger in falling in love. When you love someone, and it falls apart, it is incredibly hard to make it through. I realised that I need love, but here I am without it. I shaped my life around Harry, and everything fell apart and I'm not sure if I'm going to survive the pain of the fallout.   And the hardest part? I have no one left in my life. My parents don't want anything to do with me. I don't have the money to leave America right now so I can't go home... even then the only person I have there is Natalie. And Louis? I don't know. We haven't spoken in a while.. and things have just been weird since everything that happened. But I've been tempted to call him. So tempted.

I get up and walk over to a mirror, and examine the tired reflection looking back at me. I look unhealthy. Really unhealthy, and this can't be at all good for my baby. I'm almost half way through my pregnancy, and I honestly find it a miracle that this baby is making through the horrible diets and extreme stress. I brush my fingers through my hair , tidying it up. I decide I need to get out, at least just go out to lunch. I head to my bedroom and put on fresh clothes, do my makeup and fix my hair. Already looking better. 

-

I order some lunch from a cute cafe near my apartment and sit down at a table in the corner. This feels good, I feel like I've been somewhat detached from society lately. It's funny how just seeing the sunlight can lift your mood. I scroll through my facebook feed reading through what all my "old" friends are up to. It's funny to see how much everyone's lives have changed the past few years. How insane to think that I was once a model living a fine and happy life. I look through my own facebook, there's been barely anything posted since the days when I was a model. It's almost as if the day I met Harry was the day my life as I knew it ended. I feel like I'm a completely different person to who I was before I met him. Strange thing is, I don't know which me I like more. I pick at my meal once it comes and continue looking through social media, catching up on what's been happening lately. Harry has never been the kind to use any social media, and to be honest I kind of used to like that, but now there's a part of me that wishes he did.. maybe then I could at least have some assurance that he's doing okay right now.

"Um.. Excuse me?" I hear a soft voice say, behind me. I look up to see a blonde guy standing nervously near my table. "Uh, hi. Can I help you?" I ask. He looks at the ground, "Are you here alone..? I mean, I just.. It's usually all the same people at this cafe.. I've never seen you here before." I smile, "Yeah.. I'm new to the neighbourhood, I guess." Technically, I am - it's not like I've ever discovered any of this place. "Did you want to sit with me..?" I ask, feeling extremely awkward. This guy's cute, I just feel weird flirting with someone that I don't know. It's been a while.. He laughs, "Yeah, sure." He sits down across from me and holds out his hand for me to shake, "I'm Niall." I smile, "Alexa." 

Niall and I actually hit it off, much to my surprise. Turns out he's from Ireland, and he moved to America a few years ago. And he's genuine. And funny. And he's nice, something I haven't experienced from the men in my life lately. I look down at my watch and realise we've been sitting here for almost three hours, yet it doesn't even feel like it. 

"Well, I have to head home, I'm sorry. But hey, I'd really love to see you again.." Niall says, with a shy tone in his voice. "Yeah, I really needed this, thank you. And yeah, I'd like to see you again too." I almost feel like I'm obliged to tell this guy that I'm pregnant, but at the same time, this might be nothing more than a fling so I may as well just enjoy it while I can. We exchange numbers and I head home with a smile on my face. A genuine smile, which feels so good.

-

I walk into the lobby of my apartment building and see a woman sitting by the elevator. A woman I recognise.. Harry's mum. Shit. Do I pretend I didn't see her and just ignore the fact that she's here? Fuck. I panic, and in that moment of panic I approach her. "Mrs Styles?" She looks up at me, with a smile on her face. "Oh, Alexa. I was expecting Harry, do you know when he'll be home by any chance?" What? Has Harry not told her anything? "Oh.." I decide that the safest thing to do right now is to play along. "Do you think I could borrow your phone to call him? Mine's flat." I feel bad lying to the woman, but I know that Harry won't answer if I call off my phone. "Of course!" She hands me her phone and I try to figure out what on earth is going on. From what I remember Harry and his parents aren't on good terms.. so why is she being so kind?

I dial Harry's number and feel my heart in my throat as he answers the call.

"Hello?"

"Hey. It's Alexa."

"Shit."

"Yeah, can you explain why your mother's at my apartment and why she seems to have no idea what's going on?"

"Fuck. I told her to go there because I didn't want her to see where I'm living.. I was planning on meeting her outside and just taking her to a cafe or something but I completely lost track of time. You weren't supposed to see her."

"Right. Well, I did see her."

"You didn't say anything.. did you? I was planning on explaining, I promise." 

"Can you just get here now, I'll tell her you'll meet her in the lobby."

"Five minutes. Bye."

I hang up the phone, and wipe away the tear that escaped my eye. That's the first time I've heard his voice since the fight. He didn't even ask how I am. I take a deep breath and tell myself to get over it. Move on. I walk back over to his mother and hand her phone back. "He's on his way, he said he'll meet you down here." She stands up, "Oh well I could just wait in your apartment." She says. I shake my head, "Oh, um he said he's really close. And.. it's a mess up there." I fake a laugh, hoping she doesn't get suspicious. "Okay, well I suppose I'll just.. wait here." She smiles and sits back down. "It was nice to see you again." I say, before stepping into the elevator.