Angel (H.S AU)

Chapter Seventeen

I wake up feeling exhausted. I got no sleep last night after Harry left, because I couldn't stop thinking about him. I couldn't stop thinking about us, and how he hurt me. I think the thing hurting me the most is that he had the nerve to tell me he loves me. He doesn't, if he did, he would've showed up here the day after I left and explained why he treated us having sex as such a casual thing.

I drag myself out of bed and have a quick shower, then get dressed to leave for work. I am not at all hungry, so I skip breakfast and grab my bag, leaving my apartment. I want to get out of here, the feeling of Harry is lingering all too strong. When I walk downstairs, I almost can't believe my eyes. Harry is here. What the fuck is he still here for?! I walk over to the bench he's sleeping on, and shake him to wake him up. He wakes up abruptly, looking around, probably wondering where the hell he is. "Shit!" He says, after hitting his head against the wall. He looks up at me, "Oh, hey." Hey? That's all he has to say? An explanation would be nice. And it would be even nicer if he would just leave like I asked him to. "What are you doing here? I told you to leave!"  It hurt so much to see him leave last night, wether it was the right thing or not. I thought I had gotten over the worst of having Harry out of my life, but it turns out he never left.

"I just wante..." He goes to say something, but stops. "There were no trains going home." I know he's lying, trains are constantly going where he needs to be. I want to pick him up on the lie, but at the same time I don't want to know what he says. "I have to go to work, please be gone when I'm home." I hold back tears that I can feel tempting to fall, and walk out on him. "I love you, Alexa." I stop in my tracks, with my back to him. I try to walk, but I can't. "I know you don't believe it, but I do. There's so much pain inside me, and I.. I don't know how to not notice it." I sigh, "What's hurting you?" I say, keeping my back to him. "It's me.. it's them, it's .. it's everyone, it never stops. I'm scared." I can hear the pain in his voice and I want to kiss it away, but I can't let myself do that. "Help me, Alexa. Please." I am so close to running to him, and telling him I'm sorry. I want to tell him I love him too, I want to tell him that I will help, but I won't.

I take a deep breath and walk away, trying to keep my mind off Harry as much as possible and eventually arrive at work, without crying - that's an accomplishment. Emily is in the lobby waiting for me, with a cup of coffee. "I saw you went home with him." She says. "I was hoping no one would see." I say, feeling a little ashamed. "But it's not how it seems." She nods, "You want to talk about it?" I shake my head, "No, thankyou." I don't feel ready to talk about Harry to anyone yet. On our way to our floor, the elevator stops and a guy I've never seen before, gets in. Emily says hi, and I realise she knows him. "Oh, Alexa, this is Louis." He turns to me, and shakes my hand. I get a little caught off guard by his extremely charming smile. "Hi, nice to meet you." I say. "You too." He replies. "Louis works on our floor, he's a photographer. Maybe one day you'll work with him." emily says as the elevator doors open and we all step out. "It'd be a pleasure." I say, and we walk separate ways.

I go to my dressing room and get changed into a small dress that definitely wouldn't have fit me a year ago. Being alone, Harry floods my mind and I find tears slowly rolling down my cheeks. He needs to be gone when I get home, I can't see him again, it will completely ruin me. I know he's sorry for what he did, and I should forgive him as it wasn't a big deal, but it hurt me and it's everything else making me feel this anger towards him. It's the way he treated me when I was trying to help, it's the way he spoke to me when I was just trying to be a friend and it's the way he walked away from me, when he should've held me and told me to stay.

"Knock knock." I hear a voice say at the door. I quickly wipe the tears from my cheeks and answer, "Come in." I take a deep breath in and out, You're better off without him, I tell myself. I look over at the door and see the guy I met in the elevator this morning, Louis. "Oh, hi." He frowns, "Is now a bad time?" I shake my head and try to smile, although he can probably see how fake the smile is. "I just came to tell you that I'm doing your shoot today." I nod, "Okay, thanks." He nods awkwardly and stands there for a few moments before heading to the door, and then turns back to me. "Are you sure you're okay?" I shake my head, and the tears return. I don't like the idea of crying in front of a stranger, but I can't help it. He comes over to me and wraps an arm around my shoulder. "Did you love him?" He asks. I don't know how he knew, but he did, and something about him being here with me is comforting. I smile, trying to hide at least a little of the pain, "Yeah." As soon as I admit it, the tears return, full force.