Angel (H.S AU)

Chapter Thirty Nine

I take a deep breath, "I'm sorry." Before I can explain further, the elevator doors behind me open, and footsteps approach us. Harry looks at whoever is behind me, and even more worry covers his expression. "I'm guessing you told her?" I hear Louis' voice say. I frown and turn around to see him standing behind me. "Told me what?" I look back to Harry, and then to Louis, who has just realised he said the wrong thing. 

They both stay silent. "Can someone please tell me what's going on." Louis backs away, "He's a fucking liar. Everything he's ever said or done, it's all a lie." He shakes his head. "How the hell did you find out?!" Harry yells.  Louis doesn't answer his question, but just backs into the elevator. "You better fucking tell her everything." He says before disappearing as the elevator doors shut. I look back to Harry, "What's he talking about?" Harry shakes his head, and mutters a sentence mostly of curse words. "Are you sure you want to know?" I nod. I see pain over take him, and tears come to his eyes. "Okay. Come back in and I'll explain." He says, in a whisper. 

I sit down on his couch and my heart starts to beat faster as worry over takes me. Harry takes a seat next to me, and buries his head in his hands. "What did Louis mean? Why did he say everything is a lie?" He sighs and looks up at me. "You're probably going to hate me after I tell you this, Alexa. But I just need you to hear me out." I nod, "Okay." 

"You know Ashton.. right?" I nod, wondering where he's going with this. "I didn't just meet him when the band started.. I've known him for a while." He sighs, "We made a bet, Alexa." I close my eyes because I know that any second tears are going to stream from eyes. "A bet on what, Harry.." He frowns, "I'm sorry. I'm so damn sorry.. it was on you. When you became my nurse I told him about you, and we made a bet that I would be able to get you in bed..." My chest caves in and my heart begins to ache. I should've known. "So everything really was a lie? Did you ever care?" 

"Yes, I cared about you." I wipe the tears from my cheeks, "When you overdosed, and you called me. Did you care then?" He closes his eyes, and shakes his head. "No. I called you because I thought it would make you... it doesn't matter." I shake my head in disbelief. "The conversation with your mum.. you knew I was listening, didn't you?" He nods, "Yeah."

"That day you were leaving the clinic, and I took you to my house, I almost thought you knew what was going on... Then I realised you didn't and I almost didn't go through with it, but I wanted the money so badly." I think back to that very day, the day he told me he loved me. "I told you I loved you. I took something from you, and I shouldn't have done that, but I knew that once you got to a certain point you wouldn't say no. As soon as it was over, I felt so fucking guilty, so I just put up a wall. I was cold to you because I didn't know what to do, I couldn't believe myself for what I'd done."

"About a month after you left I convinced myself I missed you. I really thought I did. I always thought you were beautiful, you have to understand that I did like you, Alexa. I just had the wrong motivations... you were a money machine for me. Anyway, Ashton offered me more money to get you back, and I was stupid enough to accept it. I almost told you that night that I came to your apartment... but instead I told you more lies about loving you." I think back to how painful that night was for me, and now the memory of an already horrible night has been made ten times worse. "I thought if I made you feel sorry for me, you'd come back to me.. and I'd get more money."

"When did  you care?" I manage to say through the many tears. "Just before I ended up in hospital. I realised that I was starting to really care about you, and then I was so guilty, and I didn't know what to do... I tried to put it all back on you by getting angry at you so that I could try and remove some of the guilt. Everything I said or did was rooted in guilt."

He looks at me with blood shot eyes full of tears. "Do I have to keep going?" He asks. I don't want to know more, but he owes it to me to tell me. I nod. "Okay, you remember that interview? Well yeah, I called you afterwards and told you I loved you.. that was still a lie at that time, but Ashton had once again offered me money to get you back. It was all becoming a sick game. You came back to me, and guilt just got me again, and that was when I crashed my parents car and ended up in hospital again. All that stuff happened when I moved in with Louis, and I really thought you were going to give up, and that worried me because it meant.. I wasn't going to be getting money anymore."

"You remember when I came to your house with the roses? And we.. had sex again. He paid me for that. But then not long after you went to America, and that was when it stopped being a game for money, and started being real love. You came and saw me before you left, and that was when I knew that I truly, deeply, loved you. From that day on, I stopped taking the money, trust me. I started drinking, doing drugs.. just being a massive idiot because I needed you in my life, and I thought I lost you for good. I knew that you didn't know about the money, but the guilt was controlling me, and it made me angry which was what drove you away... When I got out of hospital I knew that I couldn't be with you, because you deserved better. I know I blamed you for all of that, and I don't know why I blamed you... I'm sorry." 

"Somewhere between then and now I realised that I had to let you be. I knew that you wanted to be with me, but I could never forgive myself if I let you stay with me. Alexa, I'm sorry. I let you believe that you were the problem in our relationship so often because I was so guilty... and I'm sorry. I know there's no excuse and there's nothing I can say to fix it, but you have to know that there did come a time where I loved you. I really did love you."

"It was Ashton, Alexa. He was the one hurting you tonight. I don't know why he did it... you just became a game to him and for some reason he wanted nothing more than to hurt you from the day you became my nurse until today. He text me tonight telling me that he found you, and he told me what he was going to do. I should've come sooner, I just... I didn't believe he'd do it." 

I sit there numbly, trying to take in all that he just told me. But I can't. I won't. Why would he do this to me, and how could I be so naive? I look in his eyes, and almost get trapped by the pain they seem to hold. I can't help the tears that fall from my eyes. He brings his hand to my cheek, and goes to wipe the tears away, but I slap his hand away. "Don't you dare try to act like you care about me, Harry."