Angel (H.S AU)

Chapter Fifty Eight

I wake up and look at my phone. I have barely slept the past week, all I can think about is the fact that Harry gets out in a week. Our family can finally go back to normal. At least I hope it can. I know Harry told me he's different now, and I told him the past is in the past... but I've had so much time to think lately and I can't stop replaying memories of the past few years and everything that has happened since I met him. 

I try to shake off the thoughts consuming me and head downstairs to get ready for the day. I head into Laurens room and get her ready for the day. I love her, but being a mum is exhausting sometimes, and there are days when I genuinely look forward to dropping her off just so I can actually catch my breath and take a moment to think clearly. 

After drop off, I head to the local cafe to grab a coffee. I usually get a takeaway and head home, but the weather's so nice today that I decide to stay and enjoy the atmosphere. I pull my phone and scroll through instagram. It's full of pictures of people I once knew and they all look so happy. I bet none of their children's fathers are in prison. I sigh and look around me. The cafe is situated right in the middle of town, making it the perfect people watching location. I gaze around, and then almost choke on my coffee when I spot him. Harry? It can't be. I stand up and take a few steps closer to check if I'm going crazy or if it really is him standing across the street. He's standing with his side to me, sunglasses and jacket on as if he's hoping he doesn't get recognised. What the fuck? I grab my things and walk closer. Surely it's not him. As I get closer, I make sure to stay out of sight, but close enough that I can hear his voice. It is one hundred percent him. Why is he here, who is she and what is going on? He's not supposed to be out for another week. He's talking to a woman out the front of a store, and thanking her for something. They exchange things, from what I can see a phone and some keys and Harry walks away, heading up the street. I follow after him, keeping enough distance but staying close enough that I don't lose him. He eventually comes to an apartment building and heads inside. What is going on? I race in after him as call out as the doors of the elevator he is in are about to close.

"Harry?" His hand reaches out and stops the door of the elevator closing. He steps out and removes his sunglasses and his face looks terrified. I can see he's trying to think of how he can possibly explain himself, but he has no idea what to say. 

"What the hell is going on Harry?" I yell, frustrated that I have been left in the dark. Frustrated that I have been lied to. 

"I was heading upstairs to call you Alexa. I promise, I was going to surprise you." He steps towards me, reaching out his hands.

I take a step away from him, "Is this some kind of joke, Harry?" I shake my head, something doesn't feel right at all. "I got out early. It happens." I smirk, "You didn't think to call me and let me know?" Yeah, he said he would call me, but is that even true? He's probably just saying that to save himself. He's had no problem calling me from prison, surely he could have made a phone call when he found out he was getting out early. "And who was that woman? And this apartment? Is it yours?" 

"Look Alexa, when I found out I was getting out early, I didn't want to stress you. So much has happened with us.. I just, I didn't want to spring it on you and ruin things." I shake my head, "What are you talking about, Harry? I was going to come and pick you up. I was excited for you to be out. Why would a week change things?" He still says nothing. "Please say something, Harry. Just tell me what's going on." He steps towards me again and grabs my hand. I let him, though I don't feel like having him anywhere near me right now. 

"I'm telling you the truth. I got the opportunity to get out early and of course I took it. I was going to call you before I left, I promise, but I didn't want to stress you. The woman was a friend of someone I met in prison, she was just helping me get on my feet. I'm only staying here for a few days. I promise you I was planning to call you as soon as I got here." He squeezes me hand and looks at me hopefully. "Is that what you think, Harry? After everything, you couldn't even rely on me to be there for you when you get out early?" I sigh, "It's constant lies with you Harry. I just want the truth." He brings his hand to my cheek and wipes away a single tear that has escaped my eye. "It's not like that, Alexa."

My mind races as I try to decide if I am furious with Harry for not telling me he was out early, or if I'm over reacting and he really was going to call me. Why is everything with him so complicated? It can never be easy. Ever. My stomach turns as all the memories of the shit that Harry has caused flood to my mind. How many times have I thought he had good intentions, only to find out he was lying. What if this is another lie? He's proven he's so, so good at giving me a big speech and then it all turns out to be a load of shit. Why is this time different? I bury my head in my hands, wanting to disappear. This time felt different. Surely he's matured. Surely. I step back from him, "I have to go." 

I head down the street in the opposite direction, needing to be far away from Harry right now so I can just clear my mind. I eventually come across a park, with an empty bench calling my name. I slump down and close my eyes, trying so hard not to cry. I just so desperately want to be the happy girl. I want to be the girl who's boyfriend brings her flowers that he picked up on his way home from work. I want to be the girl that cooks dinner with her boyfriend, who laughs with her boyfriend, who has fun with the person she loves. Will that ever happen with Harry? 

Suddenly, I am interrupted from my thoughts by a tap on my shoulder. I quickly wipe away a few tears that have escaped by eyes and look up to see the woman that Harry was talking to. She carefully sits down next to me, cautiously trying to gauge my mood. "Hi?" I say, wondering if she is going to introduce herself and tell me why she is here. "Alexa, right?" She asks, and I nod. "I'm Kate... I know you saw me with Harry. Look, you deserve to know the truth." My stomach drops. There is a truth. This is so Harry to be hiding something from me, and telling me a complete lie to my face. "Fuck." I whisper under my breath. 

"My father was in prison with, Harry..." I nod, waiting for her to continue. "He's uh.. Harry is..." It's clear she wants to tell me something, she just doesn't know how to tell me. "Just tell me whatever it is, please. Nothing is going to surprise me anymore." That's the sad reality of my life. Harry has let me down over and over again, that nothing will ever shock me anymore. I'm so used to being let down by him. Unfortunately I am the worlds stupidest girl and I come back every time because I'm in love with him. I care about him beyond rationality, no matter how badly he treats me. I don't know if I'll ever stop loving him or if I'll ever give up. "Harry developed a bad drug habit in prison, Alexa. He's hiding it from you, but he's not good." My head spins. This cannot be happening, the father of my child cannot be an addict. Harry cannot be an addict. No, no, no. Tears swell up in my eyes. "My father wanted to help him, so he reached out to me. Harry didn't want you to find out. He wanted to fix it without you knowing. My father thought if I could help Harry find a place and get him help, then he might be able to pull it together without you finding out." I close my eyes, desperately trying not to cry. "How bad is he?" She sighs, and reaches over to grab my hand. Part of me wants to pull away from her, but part of me also feels so broken right now that I appreciate the connection. "Put it his way.. I can't believe he actually managed to hide it from you when you visited. He's clearly a master at lying." That's exactly what he is, a master at lying.  "Why are you telling me this?" I ask, because clearly it wasn't Harrys intention for me to know this. "Because I saw you talking to Harry, and I saw the pain in your eyes. I could tell that he's hurt you a lot. I wanted to help him, I still do, but I couldn't keep this from you. I felt so guilty as soon as you walked away." 

"Alexa." A voice calls out from behind me. A voice I know all too well. I shake my head, to tell him that I can't do this, to show Kate that I am far beyond being able to handle this right now. "You're the only person in the entire universe who can help me get over this." He clearly realises that Kate has told me the truth. "It's so hard to make you understand what you mean to me." I feel my heart literally aching, being torn in two directions, one wanting to run to him, hold him tight and tell him it will be okay, and the other wanting to run far in the other direction, never to see him again. "It's an awful feeling to love someone so much that being in prison, forced to be away from them, turns you to addiction." Tears continue streaming from my eyes, and I am still unable to look at him. "I love you. I don't know if you can be with me while I recover, but I so hope you can. I should have told you the whole truth, but I promise you I meant everything I said. I was going to tell you eventually, I just needed to get on my feet. If you need to walk away I get it, but you're the only person in the world who can heal me. I told you there would be no more lies, and I know I've completely fucked that now... but you have to understand why I didn't tell you. I was so scared you would think I was pathetic. I was so scared that you wouldn't even want to look at me." I hear him choke up, "Like right now."