Angel (H.S AU)

Chapter Fifty

"Niall... before we go, I need to explain some stuff." Niall stands at my door looking extremely handsome, with a rose in his hand ready for our date. I feel butterflies in my stomach over the fact that I'm actually about to go on a real date. And this isn't the first, we've been on a few dates, and each one has been amazing. Niall is such a great, sincere guy and the past few weeks with him in my life have been amazing. But I need to explain things to him.. I need to tell him that I'm pregnant, even though I'm slightly surprised he hasn't realised by now, given the fact that I'm almost half way through.. I guess the loose clothes trick does work. 

"Can you come in?" I ask. He nods, and follows me over to the couch. "I don't really know how to say this, and you may go running out of my apartment once I tell you, but it's just something that you need to know." I sigh, and look down at the ground. "I'm pregnant, Niall. I'm about halfway through." I guess a lot of people would call me crazy for telling someone this after only a few dates, but I think it's just one of those things I need to get out before he finds out some other way. "Woah." He says. Is that a bad response..? I can't really tell what his reaction is, but he isn't leaving yet, so that's good. I nod, unsure what to say. "You really thought I'd go running out of the apartment?" He asks, with a smirk on his face. I laugh, feeling relaxed that he's at least making a joke. "I don't know... This is a big thing, I had no idea how you'd react." 

"It is a big thing, but I really like you, Alexa, and I'll be here to support you, okay?" He holds my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. I honestly get taken back by how kind Niall can be, it's almost the complete opposite of what I've experienced from relationship. "Thank you." I say, giving him a hug. "It feels so good to get that out." I say, letting out a breath I didn't even realise I was holding. 

-

I lie in my bed and look up into darkness. My night with Niall was incredible, I just wish that I could stop comparing everything to what I had with Harry. It's crazy, but in my mind, I see everything as better when it's with Harry. I almost feel like I've stepped into a whole new world, but it's the wrong world because I don't belong in a world where Harry and I don't end up together. However, this is the real world and this is my life and my life is better of without Harry. I just need to take it day by day, and I need to let myself move on slowly. My phone vibrates and as I pick it up to see who it is, I feel like the world is mocking me.

*Harry: im sorry*

He can't do this to me. He can't be. After everything he did, everything he said. 

*Alexa: don't do this to me, harry. you're not sorry.*

*Harry: yes i am.*

*Alexa: it's over now. i need to let you go, completely.*

*Harry: is it because youre with someone else?*

*Alexa: no, harry. its because i know whats best for me. i know that if i was to forgive you, i would only be setting myself up for failure.*

*Harry: im falling apart without you.*

*Alexa: you're falling apart? i dont get to do that because im pregnant with your child. so dont try and get my pity harry. i have no sympathy left for you.*

*Harry: okay.*

I sigh, and turn my phone off. I feel like just talking to Harry completely drains me. I feel like my perfect night has been ruined. I wonder if I'll ever actually be able to forgive Harry. I mean, we're going to be connected forever, seeing as we're having a child together, but I just don't know if things will ever be okay with us. Which kills me. It kills me that I'm going to bring a child to the world, and they're not going to have parents who are perfectly in love. They're not going to be in a perfect family. It's like Harry and I had one job, and we screwed it up. 

"Do you ever want to have kids?" Harry asks me, looking at me from across the table. I smirk, "Who knows. Maybe. You?" He shakes his head, "No way. I'm too fucked up for that." I roll my eyes, and look around the common room. For one of the first times ever, Harry seems to be more happy than most of the other patients in here. "What are you going to do when you leave here, Harry?" He shrugs, "No idea. No fucking idea." He laughs, "Parents always have these ideas that they force on their kids, you know, like my parents told me to be a lawyer or some shit. Unfortunately, I've fucked up beyond repair, so I don't think I'll ever be able to get a job like that." I sigh, "You never know." He looks up at me, "If you ever have kids, don't put fucked up expectations on them, okay? It fucks them up, I'm telling you." I nod, "Got it." He smiles, "Tell them they can be whatever the fuck they want. And maybe if you have a daughter they can be a model, like their mum." 

I try to switch my mind off and stop thinking about Harry, but it's the little things that I can't forget. The small conversations from when things were good. The things that made me fall in love with him. They're the things I can't shake. I don't know if I'll ever be able to.