Angel (H.S AU)

Chapter Eighteen

- Three months later -

"Here it is." I point to my parents house and Louis pulls in. I get out and my parents come out to say hi, "We missed you, honey!" My mother says, smothering me in kisses. Louis approaches us nervously, with an even more nervous smile on his face. He introduces himself to my parents, and so far I think they like him. Thank god. Louis and I have been sort of dating, I guess, for about two months now. Since the time Harry showed up, I was miserable, but Louis helped me through it, and I realised that I could be happy without Harry, and I have been. Though I do miss Harry, a lot. I refuse to tell Louis what really went down between Harry and I, because the thought of admitting to anyone how I felt, and what happened, terrifies me. And it shouldn't, because the same thing has probably happened to so many people, but I had a connection to Harry. He never let anyone in, but he let me in, and I thought that meant something to him, but then he just walked away. I'll never know if he truly cared about me or not. I didn't think being back here would remind me so much of Harry, but he's already consuming my every thought. This won't be easy.

We go inside and I show Louis to my room. "You've been quiet, is everything okay?" He asks. I nod quickly, not wanting him to pick up on my mood. "I'm fine. I'm going to go to the clinic today, if you don't mind." I have only just decided I'm going to go to the clinic, but I think I need to do it. I need the closure. I decide not to tell Louis that I'm going to see Harry in particular. "Yeah, okay. Do you want me to come?" I shake my head, "No, it's fine. Thankyou though." Will Harry want to see me? Will he even be there still? Questions flood my mind, and I start to feel anxious. "Are you sure you're okay?" Louis asks again. "I'm fine." I snap at him. "Sorry." He looks a little hurt, but brushes it off. 

I grab my purse and car keys, ready to go to the clinic. I say goodbye to Louis and my parents, and head out. I know what I'm doing is probably a terrible idea, and I shouldn't be doing it, but if I don't do it now, I'll constantly want to do it. I just need to get it over and done with. I pull into the carpark and slowly get out the car. The images of Harry walking away from me in this very carpark flashes in my mind. You're okay. I tell myself. I step inside, and see Natalie in her desk. "Hey." I say, quietly. She looks up and a surprisd look comes to her face. "Oh, hi!" She rushes out from behind her desk and comes to give me a hug. "How are you?" I force a smile, "I'm good." She smiles, but I feel like something's wrong. "Is Harry here?" She looks away, "Natalie?" She sighs, "He's in hospital." Hospital? "What? What happened?" Please be okay, please be okay, please be okay. "I don't think it's my buisness to tell.. Sorry."

I run out of the clinic and to my car, I need to see him. Knowing he is in hospital worries me so much. My heart is beating loud enough to hear. I quickly drive to the hospital, going way too far over the speed limit. I park as fast as possible and run inside. "Can you tell me what room Harry Styles is in?" I say to the first nurse I see. She checks through her charts and eventually finds Harry's name, and gives me his room. I run there as quickly as possible and feel a tear run down my cheek. The fact that this is upsetting me so much only proves that I'm not ready to move on from Harry. 

I finally reach his room, and push the door open quietly, as there are other people in the room. I walk in, looking at each of the beds, in search for Harry. I reach the bed closest to the window, and there he is. He is staring out the window and doesn't even realise I'm here. I take in his appearance, lifeless, and upset but dressed in his usual black jeans and white long sleeve. He just doesn't seem to fit in to a hospital. "Hey." As soon as I speak he looks over at me, and there is evident pain in his eyes. He frowns, probably wondering what the hell I'm doing here. "How are you?" As soon as I ask the question, I realise how stupid it was, and regret it. How are you? Terrible obviously. He doesn't answer, but looks out the window again. I can't help but feel like I'm part of the reason he's here. His arms are bandaged, more than they have ever been before. 

"Please say something, Harry." I beg. I've been standing here for a few minutes now and all I have heard form Harry is his soft breathing. I take a seat on the end of his bed. "Harry, please." I lean over and hold his hand in mine. I begin to cry, feeling like this is all my fault. I was so upset, that I hurt him this badly. I never meant for this to happen. "Why are you here, Alexa?" He says, almost as if he's disgusted with me for coming here. "I came to see you." He pulls his hand away from mine. "Why? You made it clear that you don't care about me." I wipe a tear from my cheek. "I'm not ready to lose you, Harry. I tried to tell myself that I was, but I'm not." He smirks, "Cut it out, Alexa." 

"I love you, Harry." I whisper, almost unaudible. He shakes his head, "Don't." I know I love him, I've just been too afraid to admit it. Harry stands up from his bed and just walks out of the room, so I get up and follow him. "Where are you going?" He ignores me and keeps walking towards the door out. I am surprised the nurses are letting him leave, I guess they know better than to mess with him. "Please just talk to me!" I yell as Harry walks through the carpark. "Why! So you can hurt me again? Just fuck off, Alexa." His words hurt, but I can't leave without him knowing that I do love him. "No, I love you Harry and I'm sorry it took me so long to admit it, but now I have and I'm not just going to leave again." He pulls at the roots of his hair in frustration. "Leave!" He yells at me. "No, Harry! I'm not leaving again!" I yell back at him. "Alexa, no matter how much you claim to love me, you don't, okay! You don't love me. If you loved me you wouldn't have waited three fucking months to tell me! You wouldn't have made me leave, so don't try to tell me you love me when you clearly don't." 

"I'm sor-" He walks towards me, "Don't you dare say you're sorry, Alexa." He stands right in front of me, chest to chest and I can hear his heavy breathing syncing with my own. "So no matter what I do, you're just going to hate me?" He frowns, "Don't turn this back on me, I tried to fix this. Remember how I came adter you, and you made me leave?" I frown at the memory. I never should've made him leave. "What happened..?" I ask, motioning to his bandaged wrists. He ignores my question, "And Alexa, I could never hate you." He whispers to me. His eyes are swirled with tears and redness. "Do you want me to leave?" I ask, honestly unsure of what he wants right now. He answers me with silence. "I made a mistake, Harry. You have to understand that." 

"I have to go." He turns around on his heel and heads back to the hospital.

"Don't just walk away from me again."

"What do you want me to do, Alexa?"

"Forgive me."