UNCONSCIOUS THOUGHTS

For you

He doesn't stop and neither do you. He sits up on the bed, keeping you on his lap and his kisses go from your lips to your neck. He's kissing your neck like he's hungry, like he's starved and you are what satisfies him.

A moan slips from between your lips when he gets to the crook of your neck and kisses you there. Your head tilts back up at the ceiling and your eyes shut, you didn't know pleasure like this had existed and your clothes aren't even off yet.

You can feel his erection, he's hard and you grasp an idea of how big he is which almost makes you sweat at the thought of that inside you. You want to take his shirt off and feel those muscles you'd just fantasized about running your fingers over.

Repetition. The recurrence of an action or event. He did it again...for the second time.

"I...can't." He pulls away and takes his hands off your waist like touching you burned his hands.

He backs off...again. He leaves...again.

"Eren." You say once he gets up off the bed and he walks to the door, walking away from you like you made everything you felt up.

He touches the doorknob and pauses at the sound of his name.

"You have to get up early to stretch tomorrow. Goodnight." He dismisses and walks right out the door...again.

"I'm afraid of what will happen when I do kiss you." Is what he told you over a week ago. That memory plays in your mind as you watch the door close, as you watch him walk out of not just the door but out of whatever you two got yourselves into.

You didn't want to feel this way anymore, so weak, so fragile, and controlled by your emotions but you were. That's exactly what you were and you hated it...it hasn't even been two weeks and you wanted to rid yourself of the fears you were carrying with you every day because of Reiner.

It wasn't fair. He shouldn't have this kind of hold over you...he shouldn't get away with leaving you like this, so broken that you felt damaged beyond repair. But that wasn't you. No fucking way that was you, you wouldn't allow it.

If Eren wanted to walk out because he was a coward, fine. You were done moping around, clinging to him when he just walked out on you...you had to pull yourself up. It wasn't fair and this isn't exactly what you wanted but what you did want kept walking out on you so this is what you had to do. This is how you survived.

—-

"This is by far the strangest thing I've seen happen at five in the morning." Jean scratches his head.

"You mean the hottest—"

"Shut up before Eren threatens to break your nose again. He's already pissed we didn't show much urgency to find her." Armin interrupted Connie and you were too busy with your physical therapy to comment.

"Does he even know about this? If he saw the way that guy was touching her...he'd definitely cut his head off." Connie mumbles and the three of them remain by the stairs.

You're in a black sports bra and leggings, working in the basement with the physical therapist you hired on such short notice. You didn't even need to wear the sports bra, you did it on purpose.

"Look at the scars on her, Reiner put her through hell...I'm sure Eren will be cutting everyone's heads off." Jean comments and your eyes dart up to him from across the room, they all go their separate ways to pretend like they weren't watching.

You couldn't lie and say you slept through the night, you can't lie and say you didn't struggle in the shower because you did. Move forward. That's all you kept telling yourself, you didn't feel any better mentally, you were still scared of Reiner showing up but you had to push forward. You believed that as long as you got up every day, everything would be fine and maybe, just maybe...you'd feel like your old self again but even you knew it was too early for that.