UNCONSCIOUS THOUGHTS

No Time

"Get out."

"See if you can get Eren...she can't do this alone." Connie instructed from behind you but you were have none of it.

You're trashing the office in Eren's room, trashing it completely as you rummage through every single file Eren had on your father. What Reiner wanted was information that your father knew and the only way you could put an actual end to this is if you knew what it was he wanted, what it was he tortured you for.

"Get out! Get the fuck out!" You shout yet again at Connie who is insistent on involving himself in your business.

You lost Mikasa. Yesterday was not a nightmare, it was not made up, it was real. She was murdered and it was your fault entirely. You did not expect the unexpected and the price of your ignorance was her life, the life of an innocent. You threw papers down on the floor that you didn't need, ones that you read through faster than you read anything.

The pure anger you felt throughout your body was like nothing before, a single tear ran down your cheek and dropped onto the paper. You'd ignored every emotion you felt except anger, anger is what was keeping you from collapsing to the floor. It wasn't fair. None of this was fair and it was frustrating, even the slightest frustration was enough to set you off and that's what was happening.

Connie stood in the office watching you tear it apart in search of information, he looked genuinely terrified. Especially after your orders from yesterday had been carried out, every man who worked for Grisha or Reiner that was found at the warehouses you raided yesterday was murdered on your behalf.

You'd gone through countless files, files you'd already seen before but hoped you missed something. You missed what was right in front of you or rather, what was a part of you.

After endlessly searching it finally hit you. What you were missing was a part of you.

When you went missing for those few months, you'd disabled the tracker in the back of your neck somehow. You're not really sure how you did but you knew it was disabled from the loud beep you got one day while you were missing and the fact that Eren couldn't immediately find you because it was disabled.

You've been searching in outside sources for the answers to what your father knew about Reiner, information that got you tortured. That was your mistake. There was no need for outside sources, the tracker was a part of you.

You set down the folder in your hand on the desk and pulled open one of the drawers in Eren's desk quickly, Connie was still watching your every move. You grabbed the pocket knife that was in the drawer and brought it to the back of your neck.

You did it so fast that you didn't give Connie a chance to take it away from you before you cut into the back of your neck. The cut was deep, causing you to clench your jaw in pain as you looked down at the ground, you could hear Connie shouting at you before rushing over to you and eventually snatched the pocket knife out of your hands.

You dug your fingers into the cut in the back of your neck and pulled out the tracked, it was shaped like a pill capsule. All bloody and round, your fingers trembled a little and Connie held the pocket knife in his hand as he stared at you in utter shock at what you had done so quickly without hesitation.

You don't care. There was no pain like the pain you felt knowing your best friend was dead. Your hands shaking and fingertips covered in your own blood, you held the tracker in your hands and noticed a line across the capsule, you gave it a careful twist and it separated into two. One half of the capsule had a USB-like shape sticking out of it and that's when you knew, you found it. The very reason Reiner tortured you was in your hands and you would never let it go.