UNCONSCIOUS THOUGHTS

Never Over

Silence.

Your entire world had been silent from the very second Grisha pulled that trigger. You did not see Eren after you watched the light in his eyes vanish at the sight of his mother dead in his arms. Armin along with the rest of Eren's men got you out of Carla's home as soon as possible. They must've been given strict orders to protect you first and at all costs, Eren also must've warned them of your violent nature.

You kept trying to get back to Eren as they led you away, you wouldn't leave him alone with his mother's lifeless body in his arms but it seemed you didn't have a choice. You kept trying to get past them and run back into the house but it was no use. You were taken back home and that was the end of it, at least for now it was.

You were taken to Eren's bedroom and you didn't think much of it until you heard a click, the door was locked. You whipped yourself around and turned the doorknob aggressively but you couldn't open it. You banged your fist on the door and called out Armin's name over and over again while trying to turn the doorknob but it was no use.

"Where is Eren?! Someone should be with him right now!!" You shouted and continued to shake the doorknob.

"Armin open this door!" You yelled again and the lack of response from anyone all while not being with Eren at a time like this was driving you crazy.

The look on Eren's face kept replaying in your mind, the pure defeat that you knew he felt was heartbreaking. He was alone and you couldn't be with him despite how badly you needed to be. You needed to be there for him the same way he was there for you.

You were feeling far too much all at once and being trapped in a room didn't settle you at all. In fact, it only made things worse.

You rushed to the desk in the room and picked up a chair. You got back to the door and continued to slam the legs of the chair down on the doorknob over and over again until minutes passed and you heard the sound of the metal doorknob hitting the floor.

Once the doorknob fell, you reached into the hole in the door to open it, you swung it wide only to find two men standing in front of your door, blocking you from going any further.

"Where is Eren? I need to see him." You demanded and looked over their shoulder into the hall but it appeared as though you were the only one around.

"We've been given strict instructions to keep you here. Please get back inside." They instructed and it was only the sound of their voices, the sternness that reminded you of Eren that brought you back to reality.

For the first time since hearing the gunshot, you finally exhaled. You took a deep breath, you couldn't be an idiot, you couldn't let your emotions tell you where to go and you couldn't just walk right out into the open when you made yourself a target.

You had to think for a moment and weigh your options. Shooting Grisha meant you just possibly made yourself an even bigger target than you were before. You had no idea where Eren was so your shield of protection you'd grown comfortable with was now gone, meaning your free will was gone as well.

These men had orders from Eren and he was their boss, Eren outranked you no matter how much you screamed about wanting to see him. It would do you no good if you were killed being reckless enough to sneak past these guards.

"As soon as Eren returns...you will take me to him." You stated and chose peace in this moment, fighting with the men meant to protect you was stupid too and you couldn't afford to be stupid.

You stepped back into the room and closed the door but you didn't bother putting the doorknob back up, you'd broken it and you left it on the floor. Patience is the only thing that would get you through this but with patience came clarity...your clarity was reality and reality was just now settling in.