If I Have To

Another Round of Her

New York, New York
March 3rd

Xena M.

As a woman, it is my responsibility to assure that my body and health was in good condition. Times a million. Reason why I made an emergency doctors appointment to see what was up. Back at home I would go every month and I was keeping that routine alive down here.

There was a knock on the door then it opened. A brown-skinned woman in a white coat entered. The first thing my eyes landed on was the red dot in the middle of her forehead. My intrusive thoughts told me to ask what it was and some other distasteful questions. But I kept them inside.

"Hello, I'm Doctor Pierre!" She greeted me. "If you don't mind, could you confirm your birthday for me?"

"Oh, June 1st, 2001." I answered while she typed on the computer. She nodded her head then got up from the chair, grabbing gloves out the cabinet.

"What brings you in here today, Ms. Mills?" She asked.

"Xena is fine. Also, I don't have any specific reason for this visit. It's just a simple checkup. I had those frequent when I was back at home and I want to keep that going," I answered, leaning back on the bed and propping my legs up on the stand.

"Alright, I'm going to check inside now. Are you currently on birth control?" Dr. Pierre questioned. She sat in the chair then rolled over to me. Her face disappearing in between my legs.

"Absolutely not!" I exclaimed. "I heard about the side effects of that pill and refused to be on it. How come y'all physicians don't include the possibility of a woman getting blood clots or cancer from the pill? Y'all claim it's helpful but is really causing more damage to a woman."

"Those are rare cases. But the pill is still helpful and commonly used amongst women your age." She answered.

"Only because people want to freely have sex without protection and have no worry about pregnancy. Is it true that if you stop taking the pill, it's easy for you to get pregnant? Like in the snap of a finger?"

"That is true. It's meant to be taken every day. When it isn't then it increases the likelihood of your eggs being fertilized by ten. A lot of women stop taking it on purpose when they're ready to have a baby. It all depends on the individual."

"May I ask if you're sexually active?" She questioned, making me sit up a bit.

"Is there something wrong?" I asked.

She shook her head, "No. It's a question that I have to ask patients for assurance."

"Oh." I leaned back on the bed. "Can I be real with you really quick?"

"I find no reason not to," she agreed.

"Good. I am sex deprived! I haven't had sex in so long and that's why I'm not on birth control. I have no reason to prevent pregnancy if I'm not having sex," I bluntly told her. I was talking to her like she was my best friend. The only difference was she was moving around in my vagina while we were having this conversation.

It wasn't weird to me.

"To add onto that, I don't touch myself either like most women. I have no idea how they're able to do that with such please and not think it's wrong. I mean my parents told me that doing anything sexual with yourself or while unmarried is a sin. I think that's why I don't do it. But damn, not being touched can really do something to a woman," I blabbed.