If I Have To

I Love-Hate My Family

Seattle, Washington
May 25

Xena Mills

I was back! Back where I was loved. Back where I was comfortable. Back in a space where I belonged and didn't feel out of place in. This was my real home. Not New York. No matter how badly I tried to force it. It could never be Seattle. That was the truth.

A huge breath came from me once I was up the stairs with my suitcase. Soon as my flight landed, I headed straight to Jada's house. I had tons planned while I was down here. First up was lunch with Jada. I know the last time we've seen each other, it wasn't pleasant. I didn't like the way her and Cynthia was attacking me over the truth about Franklin. I was adamant on how I felt about him but I wasn't going to stay mad at Jada because of it. I'll give her a pass since she wasn't there and didn't experience what I had.

Standing in front of the black wooden door, I knocked twice then waited. I knew she was home since her car was in the driveway. I gave her time as I remembered she was carrying a child. I still couldn't believe she was pregnant with Noah's baby. That bastard. I wasn't going to shame her for her decisions because that was her husband. If she wanted to get pregnant by that no-good, two-faced, ugly having ass man then so be it. That was something I would have to deal with.

I'll love my niece or nephew anyway.

My patience began to decline and the more I needed to pee increased too. Luckily, I heard the locks then the door opened. I was eager when Jada face popped out from behind the door.

I threw my arms in the air and shrilled, "Hello sissy!"

I questioned her reaction. There was no excitement from seeing me. I felt some type of way about that. I was her little sister and came home to visit. That right there should have her had screaming joyfully and wanting to hug me. Instead, she sized me up and down with a slightly digested expression on her face. My face began to drop since her reaction refused to change the longer we stood here. Whether she was happy for me to be here or not, I had to pee.

"Umm, do you mind if I use the bathroom?" I awkwardly asked.

"Y-Yeah. You know where it's at." She stumbled over her sentence.

I pulled my suitcase instead, leaving it at the door, and rushed to the bathroom. I was surprised I knew where to go since her home looked different than the last time I've been here. I can tell Noah took over the design process. It was terrible and made me want to throw up at the colors. I reached the bathroom and locked myself inside to do my business.

"Xena, what are you doing?" Jada asked on the other side of the door. I looked around the bathroom and found her question stupid. What else was I doing inside the bathroom other than using it? Man that pregnancy brain was getting to her.

"I'm using the bathroom." I stated the obvious.

"No. I mean what are you doing here? In Seattle?" She clarified. I rolled my eyes. This question was beginning to annoy me. I was sick of people wondering why I was heading home. It was my home and I could come back whenever I feel like it.

"Let's talk about this after I'm done. Thank you." I told her.

It felt weird talking while I peed. I've been holding it in since I got on the plane. Something about using the bathroom while in the air didn't sit right with me. I finished up what I was doing, washing my hands, and using those decorative towels to wipe them with. I exited the bathroom and went back down this badly decorated hallway. The wedding pictures helped out. They were cute somewhat. Noah looked bad per usual. Entering the living room, I sat on the sofa while looking at Jada.