If I Have To

Diary of A Mad Black Woman Pt 1

New York, New York
May 17th

Kasey L.

Another one bites the dust. That's what I thought when I exited the room after giving surgery information and not making a family cry. Work was getting back to how it usually was for me. I didn't dread coming in, I was able to be around my coworkers, and the patients weren't making me pull my hair out with the stupid and harmful decisions they made. This day was going well. Until...

"Mr. Langston!"

Why did I turn around? Before I could come up with an escape plan, Jessica approached me. I haven't seen her around since I switched her over to Kenneth's surgery team. I haven't thought about her since then. Seeing her only made me think back to our issue and her confessing that she liked me. I genuinely wanted to know what was going through her head when she said that. What possessed her to blurt that out loud after I got punched? I couldn't wrap my head around it, but I was over it and didn't care to know.

Yet, she was here.

"Am I interrupting anything?" She asked. This was my chance to get away and what did I do?

"No," I responded. I pressed my lips together after it was out. I wanted to slap myself because of it. What the hell was I thinking?

"Okay." She bobbed her head. It quickly got awkward as we stood there, staring at each other. I was expecting her to say more, so it was strange that she paused.

"Do you need something?" I asked to help her out.

"Oh, yes! Sorry about that. Umm, I wanted to apologize for what happened between us. I shouldn't have did that, especially what was going on." She apologized.

"Right, I also have a wife, so it was greatly inappropriate." I threw in there since that was the actual issue. I didn't care that I had gotten punched and was in tons of pain. I was more so upset that she even thought it was a good idea to confess her feelings and I was a happily married man. She was crazy.

"Yeah, she's-your wife is...you know, she's pretty," she stammered over her words.

Her face twisted up after and she tried to play it off by wiping her nose. Her struggling to compliment Xena was enough for me to know this conversation was over. The way some people acted towards my marriage was the reason why keeping it private was the best decision in my mind. However, having it out there sure as hell felt amazing. No one could touch her in anything.

"But I wanted to also say that what I said was the truth." She added. "I know you're married and I'm going to respect your relationship-"

"Marriage." I corrected her. She pressed her lips together, her face starting to turn red. I assumed from frustration which wasn't my problem. I had thought I made it clear that I didn't want to speak to her but I guess not. This apology was terrible anyway.

"Right, marriage." She strained to say. "I will respect it as such but I wanted to be honest. I think you're an amazing person and-"

"Doctor!" Jessica turned around and I looked past her to see Tee walking towards us.

"Sorry to interrupt. I have a patient that wants to speak to someone and you're the only one I've seen. Hopefully, you can help unless you're busy." Tee said, looking from me to Jessica and back to me.

I shook my head with quickness. "No, I'm not busy. We can go right now." I said. Jessica turned to look at me, a frown on her face. I don't know why. This conversation wasn't going anywhere and I didn't want to keep having it.

"But Mr. Langston, we're-"

"Yeah, we're done." I cut her off. I forced a smile then walked around her, walking alongside Tee. Neither of us said anything until we turned the corner and I was able to let out a relieved breath.