If I Have To

The Reality Of It All

New York, New York
April 16th

Kasey L.

I knew this day would come. It was depressing, absolutely, but it happened sadly. I couldn't bother to see him suffering anymore. That was hurtful to see every time I came home and see him lying on the floor slowly breathing. The cancer, like in humans, was messing with his body and making it harder for him to live. Unfortunately, he didn't have a voice so I had to be that. This was my decision.

One last time I pet Royal as he laid sleep on the examination table. All the suffering and pain he was in was no more. As sad as it was to put your pet down, it usually was the best and only option left. I took a deep breath, gathering myself before I stepped back into that lobby. I could cry right now but I had Xena with me. I'll have my moment when I was home in my study. Alone. I didn't too well with crying in front of people. Also, Xena wasn't exactly the type of person I wouldn't consider a perfect emotional support partner. Nothing against her though.

"Alright, Poppy. Come on." I grabbed Poppy off the table and held her in my arms. I rubbed Royal once more than left out the room for real this time.

"How are you feeling, Mr. Langston?" Brenda asked soon as I was out.

"I'm doing fine." I somewhat lied. No one would be fine with their dog dying but I knew that'd be the reality sooner than later and accepted it early. It was still saddening though.

Brenda nodded. "We understand you're doing a burial. We'll get in contact when everything is ready." She informed me.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. Call us if you need anything."

I nodded, thanked her once more then walked back to the front. I made my way over to Xena, grabbing her attention from the magazine she was reading. I noticed her eyes looking around and knew she was looking for Royal. When she looked at me, her eyes softened.

"Is Royal not coming home with us?" She questioned.

"No, baby. He's not." I responded, catching the voice crack before she heard it. She poke her bottom lip out then stood up, tossing the magazine on the chair. She went in for a hug that was stopped when Poppy started growling at her. Xena went bug-eyed for a second then looked at me with puzzled and scared eyes.

"She's in heat." I said, petting Poppy to calm her down. Xena furrowed her brows. "It's like a menstrual cycle but different. She gets possessive and usually wants to be all up on me. And other things."

"Ahh! Just like me." Xena chuckled. She reached out to touch Poppy and she growled again.

"Yeah, I'm not going to touch you then. Just remember that's my husband and you're just a dog. So, come correct, miss ma'am." Xena retorted, rolling her neck at Poppy. I shook my head at her since she was really going at it with a dog. But she seemed like the type to do that so it was funny. For a little bit.

"Are you done?" I asked and she placed her attention on me.

"Yes, sir."

"Good. Come on." I reached for her hand, our fingers interlocking.

I led us out the center and into the cloudy wet April weather that graced New York. You could smell the rain in the air from last night storm. There was another storm expected later on tonight and I wanted to be home for that. Rainstorms out here was like a flood, too much and damn near incapable of seeing anything outside. Even though I never liked the rain, Royal did. This death was about to take a toll on me. I can see and feel it now.