If I Have To

Dreams Are What You Make Them

Punta Cana, Dominican Republic
March 12th

Kasey L.

"This is fucking ridiculous." I muttered, coming to a halt. I leaned over with my hands on my knees and breathing heavily.

It was yet another day of Xena pushing me off the edge with no harness. Practically watching me fall to death with her unique activities. I thought the club was bad, this was worse. My heart was beating out of my chest, my body was aching, and I was sweating my ass off. Why? Because we were fucking hiking. Hiking!

What.

The.

Fuck.

"Kasey!" Xena shouted my name. I lifted my head up a bit to see her walking towards me.

"Kasey, come on." She waved for me to follow. I held my finger up letting her know to give me a minute. If I start moving right now, I was going to pass out. And that wasn't going to be pretty.

"It's not even that bad." She said nonchalantly as if this were walking up some stairs. I glared at her and she raised her hands.

"What? It's not that bad. You're being dramatic," she shrugged.

"Babe—" I paused, not having enough breath to complete a full sentence. My legs were growing weak each second that I stood. I couldn't do this anymore.

"Do you wanna si—" I didn't even allow her to finish her sentence before sitting my ass down. I sigh in relief knowing that my legs didn't have to suffer any more standing and walking.

I heard Xena suck her teeth, "You're being dramatic. It's not even that bad." she said again as if it was going to change anything. It didn't.

"Babe, we've been hiking for two hours up a multitude of mountains and through woods. This..." I paused, gaining enough strength to wave my hand around the scenery. "is bad. This is crazy. This is not me." I continued.

"Doing adventurous stuff isn't bad." She reached her hand out and I grabbed her, helping her sit down. "It gets your body moving. It also opens up your mind to nature and how it guides you through life." She spoke heavenly. However, I was still adamant on this not being me.

"The way you speak on nature is Godly but—"

"You're not into it," she finished for me. She slowly nodded her head then brought her knees up to her chest. I watched as she looked around, her face both in awe and in disappointment.

Since being around this beautiful woman, I picked up on a lot of things about her. Things that I'm sure her own family didn't know since they didn't pay attention. That was the first thing. She didn't receive much attention, that was obvious. I'm not going to say that she craved it either. So far she never showed me that she was the type to go above and beyond to be noticed. However, when you know then you know. And I knew.

The second thing was that she was sensitive. That tough persona she put on was a facade for who? I don't know. Probably for her father or other people in the world that did her dirty. That seemed too personal to speak on so I didn't start the conversation. However, you can tell when a person never got the chance to express their vulnerable emotions like sadness, fear, disappointment, and more.