Been Through (SCS #3)

27.

"Baka guni-guni mo lang 'yon."

Remus sipped on his softdrinks after he said those to me. Napasandal ako at napahinga nang malalim.

"Pero, nakatinginan ko 'yong lalaki sa loob tapos, iba ang naramdaman ko," sabi ko sa kaniya dahil hindi pa rin maalis sa isip ko ang nangyari kagabi. It's just a short encounter but, it gives a big impact within me.

"Ano bang naramdaman mo?" tanong niya sa akin habang seryosong nakatingin. I sighed and tried to remember what I felt last nighr with that short encounter.

"Noong lumingon ako, nagkatinginan kami no'ng lalaki sa loob tapos, lumakas 'yong tibok ng puso ko. Halos hindi ako makatulog. Ewan ko kung bakit," pag-amin ko. Remus bit his lower lip, stopping his smile. Taka akong nakatingin lang sa kaniya at nang mahuli niya ang tingin ko ay biglang nawala ang pinipigilang ngiti at saka siya umayos ng upo.

"Nagkatinginan kayo no'ng lalaki tapos, lumakas tibok ng puso mo?" I nodded. "Ang bilis mo namang ma-fall. Mata pa lang nakikita mo, ah, tapos natibok na agad puso mo." I frowned at him.

"Kaya nga nagtatanong ako sa 'yo, kasi 'di ko rin alam bakit!" sagot ko naman. Remus stared at me before he leaned forward. I stared at his eyes and saw how a smile formed in his lips.

"Do you feel something with this?" he asked with his husky voice. I remained staring at his eyes, weighing my emotions. Ilang segundo kaming tahimik hanggang sa magsalita ako.

"You're handsome, Remus..." I trailed off. "But... I don't feel anything."

Remus, instead of being offended, smiled at me. Lumayo siya bago tumango. Ako ay pilit pa ring pinapakiramdaman ang sarili ko ngunit, wala talaga. Hindi ko maramdaman ang emosyong naramdaman ko noon. My heart didn't beat the same way like last night.

"Grabe, ang gwapo ko na tapos, hindi ka man lang nakaramdam ng kilig? Iba talaga nagagawa ng pag-ibig," iiling-iling na sabi niya na siyang ipinagtaka kong muli pero, isinawalang bahala ko na rin. As I've mentioned, Remus is weird.

Hindi na rin ako nang-usisa tungkol sa nararamdaman ko tungkol sa lalaki kagabi. Maybe, Remus is right. Baka nga guni-guni ko lang dahil sobrang nami-miss ko na... siya.

I must be going insane. I need a long hour of sleep.

"Yara..."

"Hm?"

"I know, there are things you aren't telling me but, whatever your heart is saying, follow it. Kung saan ka sasaya, gawin mo, sundin mo. Alam kong kahit tumatawa ka o ngumingiti sa harap ko... may lungkot kang tinatago..." aniya sa akin. My eyes softened as I felt the waves of emotion within me.

I don't know what's with his words that hit me but, I found myself crying. I found myself tearing up and sobbing. Remus remained silent beside me but, he pulled me closer to him and patted my shoulder.

"I miss him... so much," I muttered. "I should have told him what I feel..." My heart's clenching in pain as I remember every bits of memory at that moment. The laughters, the teasings, the thrills, the heartwarming feelings... the way he looks at me, the warmth his body gave when he hugged me, all of it are rushing inside me.

"G-Gusto kong ibalik ang panahon para... para kasama ko pa siya. Gusto kong nandito siya sa harap ko. Sobrang sakit kasi... wala na siya. H-Hindi ko na siya nakikita."

Remus took a deep breath and handed me something. Nang ibaba ko ang tingin ay nakita kong may panyo sa kamay niya. My shaking hand reached the handkerchief.

"I'm sure he also wants to be with you, whoever that is."

Kung naging abala ako noong nakaraan, mas naging abala na ako ngayon dahil may papalapit na event sa university. Naghahabol kami ng activities dahil pagkatapos ng event, panibagong semester na naman. Kung dati ay maikling oras na lang ang tulog ko, ngayon ay halos hindi na ako makatulog. Ang daming reports, charts, at mga analysis na kailangang ipasa. May mga diagrams pa sa ibang subject kaya halos maiyak ako sa dami.