Been Through (SCS #3)

29.

I woke up with a headache the next morning. I squinted my eyes as I tried sitting up. Ang sinag ng araw ay nagpapikit muli sa akin at kinalma ko ang sarili dahil parang may umiikot sa sikmura ko. I covered my mouth as I felt the need to vomit.

My door opened so, I looked up and saw my mother entering.

"Gising ka na pala, anak. Nahihilo ka ba?" tanong sa akin ni Mama. Napapikit ako at inabot ang panali sa buhok na nasa nightstand at itinali ang buhok ko.

"Medyo po," sagot ko. My mother sat in front of me and handed me a glass of water. Ang pagkatuyo ng lalamunan ay agad naibsan kaya napahinga ako nang maluwag.

"Masakit ulo mo?" I nodded and my mother began massaging my scalp, making me sigh in relief. Sumandal ako sa balikat ni Mama habang minamasahe niya ang ulo ko.

"Kumain ka muna bago mo inumin itong gamot. Teka, nasaan na ba ang Papa mo? Sandali," my mother gently pushed me so, I lay my back on the headboard as she calls for my father.

"Yuri! Nasaan na ang pagkain ng anak mo?" she asked while peeking out from my door. Niyakap ko ang unan ko habang naghihintay nang bigla kong maalala ang nangyari kagabi.

I saw Janus. I heard his voice talking to Remus. Is that true? Is it really him I saw last night? If it's him then, why didn't he talked to me? Why didn't he see me for the last months?

Unknowingly, tears started falling down from my eyes. Niyakap ko nang mahigpit ang unan habang dinaramdam ang hapdi ng puso. I have to know if it's Janus or I'm just hallucinating again.

"M-Ma..." I called my mother. Napatingin naman agad siya sa akin at kasunod na niya si Papa. They both rushed to me upon seeing my tears.

"Anak? Bakit ka umiiyak? May masakit ba sa 'yo?" my father placed the tray on a small table and went beside me.

I sniffed and looked at them. "Sino pong... naghatid sa akin kagabi?" tanong ko. Malakas ang kabog ng dibdib ko habang naghihintay sa sagot nila. Deep inside, I'm hoping that it's him. I'm hoping that my parents saw him for me to prove that he's really the one I saw last night.

"Ang kaibigan mo, anak..." my father answered, looking down at his lap. "Hinihintay ka namin ng Mama mo na dumating dahil baka nga lasing ka. May pumaradang taxi at nakita naming inalalayan ka ng kaibigan mo, si Remus."

Remus... he's the one who brought me home?

"Nag-sorry pa nga sa amin dahil pati siya nalasing. Ang sabi ay nag-taxi raw kayo dahil delikado kapag nag-motor siya. Isa pa, wala ka ring malay."

Their answer made my shoulder slumped. So, it's Remus who brought me home? I hate to feel it but, disappointment spreaded like a venom inside me. Napapikit ako at napahilamos dahil sa frustration.

Maybe, I'm hallucinating again. I just miss him so bad that's why I saw him. Maybe, I was mistaken.

Time flies so fast the moment I decided to just focus on myself. Mas sinubsob ko ang sarili sa pag-aaral at sa pamilya ko. When I reached my third year, I became more busier. Remus and I still hang out but, not as often as before.

I also tried asking him about that night and I couldn't help but feel down when he mentioned that he's really the one who brought me home. It left me thinking that the encounter was really just my imagination.

It hurts but, it's the truth. It hurts that he's really gone but, I need to accept it. Pinipilit ko lang ang sarili kong umasa na magpapakita siya muli pero, ang totoo ay wala na talaga siya.

Janus Rigor is long gone and I need to accept it.

The encounter was engraved in my mind and I ended up dreaming about him every night and it never failed to bring tears in my eyes. The regret is killing me. The sorrow is creeping in. His bloodied and fragile form in my arms is flashing in my mind.