Been Through (SCS #3)

30.

I was unable to go back to work. My father came back after chasing the hell out of Janus and he told me to rest for the day. Hindi siya nagtanong pero, ako maraming tanong sa kaniya.

Why did he and Mama told me that Janus is gone? Why is Janus working here? Did my father and mother lied to me? Obviously, but why?

Gustong-gusto kong magtanong sa Papa ko tungkol sa pagsisinungaling nila pero, hindi ako makapagtanong. I just wanted to go home and sleep then, see if it's all real.

"Take care, anak. I'm sorry," my father kissed my forehead as he walked me to the taxi parked outside. Hindi ako umimik at tahimik lang na tumango. I went inside and looked back at my father, only to see Janus beside him. He didn't saw my looking because of the tinted windows but, I could clearly see how soft and sad his eyes are.

I took a deep breath as the taxi began moving. Sa sobrang overwhelmed ko, halos hindi ako makaimik o makapag-isip nang maayos. Everything happened too fast. One moment, I was mourning and drowning myself in regrets and in an instant, he appeared in front of me.

Hindi ko namalayan na huminto na ang taxi. Agad akong nagbayad at matamlay na bumaba. I went inside the house and immediately saw my brother playing with his toys at the living room. The sound of me opening the door caught his attention.

Kiel stood up and walked towards me with his little legs.

"Ate!" he exclaimed and hugged my legs. I smiled a bit, feeling soft as I gently held his arms and sat in front of him.

"Hello, baby," I softly said and kissed his cheeks. He giggled and it brought a genuine smile on my lips.

"Mama!" he stated, pointing at the kitchen. I nodded and carried him. Sabay kaming tumungo sa kusina at naabutan si Mama na nagluluto roon. The sound of my footsteps made her turn around.

"Oh, Yara! Nandito ka pala, anak," my mother left what she's doing and wiped her hands before going to me. "Hindi ka nagsabi na uuwi ka nang maaga, nagluluto pa lang ako."

"Sorry po at hindi ko kayo na-text. Pinauwi na po ako ni Papa nang maaga," sabi ko at naupo sa upuan sa dining table. Iniupo ko si Kiel sa hita ko at niyakap.

"May nangyari ba?" Mama Kali immediately noticed my confused and down expression. Naupo siya sa tabi ko at tinitigan ako.

I wanted to ask my mother about what they told me couple of years ago. Pareho sila ni Papa na gusto kong tanungin pero, dahil wala pa si Papa, sa tingin ko'y kikimkimin ko muna ang mga katanungan ko.

"Gusto ko pong matulog muna. Medyo napagod po ako," paliwanag ko at tumingin sa mga mata ni Mama. "P'wede po ba?" tanong ko. My mother just stared at me, obviously wanting to know what's wrong but instead of voicing it out, she just nodded.

"Hindi ka kakain?"

"Mamaya na po," sabi ko at tumayo. Iniupo ko si Kiel sa upuang inalisan ko bago ako tumungo sa kwarto ko. When I entered my room, I immediately dropped my body to bed and stared at the ceiling.

I should be happy right now. Janus is alive. Janus is here but, there's still doubts within me. Gustong-gusto kong magsaya at yakapin siya nang mahigpit pero, ang dami pang katanungan sa isip ko. Paano pala kung lahat ng ito panaginip lang? Paano pala kung magising ako bigla tapos malalaman ko na isang mahabang panaginip lang ang lahat? Natatakot akong alamin pero kailangan.

Gusto ko munang malaman ang lahat. Kung bakit nila sinabing wala na si Janus. Baka kapag nalaman ko lahat ng nangyari sa nakalipas na apat na taon, baka tuluyan na akong maging masaya.

With several thoughts swirling in my head, I surprisingly managed to drift to sleep.

Nagising na lang ako nang maramdaman ang pagkalam ng sikmura. I opened my eyes and the clock was the one I immediately saw. It's already evening and I guess, my father's already home.