The mergeverse

Jumbled up

{Quick trigger warning before I begin, there will be hints/mentions of su!cid@l thoughts and attempts.}

Moon had gone inside to likely get some sleep, but I was used to staying up late so I decided to stay out and look at the stars for just a bit longer. Oi, you two there? You've been awfully quiet. Like, I usually enjoy the silence from you two but it's been concerningly long. 

Sorry 'bout that, with everything going on we felt it was best to let you actually have some quiet to get your thoughts properly together. Ah, that made sense I guess. Was oddly nice of them to do. Speaking of my thoughts.. I feel like my memories are getting.. jumbled up..? Like, a couple days ago when I first had run into the clearing right? I had like a bunch of memories come back to at me at once.. but then yesterday I had some new ones and they just.. didn't line up..

They didn't line up? What do you mean by that? I had to think about them again for a moment. Like.. in the first one it had been ones about me and my brother at the clearing, but in one of them it had been clear my mom was already dead by then.. but yesterday I had another one that.. she wasn't. I was older than the first one and she was there..

I groaned a bit and laid back on the ground, a bit frustrated that I couldn't properly remember anything from my past. Like, was it just my mind telling me she died earlier? Or.. was it just wishful hoping..? Killer and Horror were both quiet, then after a moment Horror spoke up. Maybe they're both true? Perhaps the first one was just mixing up how old you were when that memory happened. Or maybe the second one was doing that. I'm sure you'll properly remember soon.

That.. actually helped a lot.. Thanks. I sighed and looked back up at the stars. God.. I miss being able to do this.. "I hope you're both out there watching over me.." I whispered. I knew it was practically useless trying to talk to the dead, yet Altair had always done it with mom, and part of me wanted to believe that I should continue on for him. Hey, it's late, get some sleep. Maybe you'll get another memory for a dream tonight. God damnit Killer stop being right.

I got up and headed back inside. Just getting up and trying to walk made me realize how tired and weak I still felt from earlier. I ended up just flopping myself onto the nearest couch I could get to, passing out almost immediately.

{Dagger's Dream (3rd person)}

The young boy and his brother were out at their designated clearing in the woods, looking up at the night sky. "Wow, Altair look how many stars there are tonight!" His brother chuckled a bit. "Mhm. You really took after mom and her love of stars, huh?"

"I mean come on, they're so pretty. Plus, they just remind me of mom now, which I kinda like. It's as if she's always there just watching over us in the stars." The boy's brother gently pat his head. "I bet she is. And she'd be so proud of how far we've both gotten."

The young boy sighed and looked down at the ground, a sad expression on his face. "I really miss her.." His brother pulled him into a hug. "Hey, cheer up bud, I miss her too, but she wouldn't want you to be sad whenever you think of her, would she?" The boy hugged his brother back. "You're right. I'll try and cheer up, for mom's sake."

...

The boy sat in front of his brother's grave, unable to stop himself from sobbing. He had lost everyone. Everyone he ever cared about. What was even the point of continuing? He wanted to end it all right then and there. To join his family. He could try. He had killed his own father with his bare hands, surely he could figure out how to do that to himself? Right?

He looked around, hoping to find something. Anything. He just wanted to end everything. He didn't care how it had to be done. Maybe a rock? I could make myself bleed out. That would work. The boy thought to himself. He looked around until he found a large rock. He hesitated for a moment, thinking over on if he really wanted to go through with this.

In the end, he tried. He was already numb to everything around him. He used the rock, bashing it into his head. It surprisingly didn't knock him out immediately. However there was now blood gushing from his head. Everything had gone blurry. He hit the rock against his head once more, this time it knocked him into what he hoped would be death.

It wasn't.

The boy opened his eyes to see an unfamiliar woman tending to his wounds. "Mmn..? Where.. where am i..?"

...

{Dagger's POV (1st person)}

I jolted awake. My breathing was heavy again. God damnit not this again. I attempted to try and calm myself down, but was obviously failing. I couldn't get the images out of my head. Why the fuck was that a memory I had to get now of all times? What the fuck? This felt worse than seeing my brother's body. This time it had been my own. Woah, you okay? What the hell did you see?

Killer's voice oddly helped me a bit. But not enough. I struggled, but answered him. I.. I saw myself.. but younger.. try to commit suicide.. Both Horror and Killer were quiet at hearing that. What..? Horror had spoken up first. Was it.. another memory..? Did you actually try and do that when you were younger..?

I just nodded. Tears had started to fall, which I did not really want happening right now. I looked outside and noticed it was actually morning now. Still pretty early, probably around 3 or 4 AM, so I figured Moon was likely still asleep.

I decided to get up and go outside, so that way I could at least have some fresh air if I was about to have another panic attack. Hey, are these like, normal for you? I nod. Unfortunately. I've always been prone to these even as a kid.

I end up just sitting right outside the castle, my knees curing up to my chest. I tried to continue to calm myself down, but I just couldn't. I don't know why I even try anymore. I guess I'll just wait out here till I either calm down or Moon wakes up and notices..

{And boom, another chapter done. Sorry theres been so much angst these past few chapters, I promise I'll try and get some nicer things in later on. Anyways, once again Moon belongs to @FanFicLover6982 who I cannot properly @, make sure to check out their book for this to fully make sense. Edit: love having to upload this twice for it to work Edit 2: It didn't work I just uploaded it twice for nothing (and now im uploading it again ig)}