Always and Forever My love

Fooled By Both Sides

*Ashley*
The past few days that I got to spend with Lucille were one of the best moments I spent with her. Seeing her leaving me this morning, crying, wanting to tell me something, was killing me inside. I knew it was best for us, since we both had separate lives to live and different partners, we needed to be with, but I know we both still craved each other. I should be angry she had slept with someone else and lied about it, but she had my heart completely with her only and I have also broken her trust. Still, I only wanted her in my life. Watching her go ripped my heart apart. I was supposed to go back to work today, but I called Julia asking her to reschedule my appointments for next week. I needed to take this time off to sort out my life. Taking a gulp of my Jack Daniel's, I imagined her sitting next to me, asking me to forget her, but I couldn't, I wanted to die in my pain.

The next day, I made up my mind to contact Cindy about her ultrasound appointment that I wanted to attend. She was almost due in a month or 2. Picking up my phone, I called her to let her know I would be attending the scan with her and would pick her up at 11am. Going into the bedroom, I could still smell Lucille's perfume everywhere. I picked up the pillow she had used and put it against my nose, smelling the way her hair had smelled. Taking the pillow, I held it against my chest, feeling my heart break all over again.

About an hour later, I was ready and jumped into my Land Rover to go over to pick up Cindy. As I reached Cindy's house, she was waiting outside for me, and when she saw me, she was jumping with excitement that I had come. She then bent over on my side and tried to kiss me, but I turned away. She then told me that if I wanted to be part of her baby's life, I should start acting more loving towards her. Ignoring her, I drove to the clinic for her ultrasound. Helping her get off, I noticed how big her stomach had gotten. I still didn't feel anything when looking at her, knowing that she was carrying my baby. With Lucille, I knew the baby she was carrying wasn't mine, but I still felt completely drawn to her. Maybe it was because I was in love with Lucille and not Cindy. Lucille was the woman I wanted to be with, but Cindy was the woman I was forced to be with.

As we got to the room, the doctor asked Cindy to go on to the bed and lay down, lifting her top up, so he could do the scan. Standing there and watching as the doctor performed the scan, I was mesmerized by the baby. I imagined I was looking at Lucille's baby and ended up asking the doctor "Where was the other baby". Looking at me like I was mad or something, he said "There is only one baby in there." Laughing, I managed to come up with an excuse for my mistake. I said "Well, look at her stomach, it looks like there is more than one baby there?"

After the appointment, I tried to be more interested in Cindy, so I asked her if she would like to go out for lunch, to which she agreed. We went to a lovely restaurant where we sat down and ate our lunch together. Cindy tried making conversation with me, but I remained mostly silent. After we ate, I asked Cindy if she felt like doing anything else for the afternoon, and she said she wanted me to buy her some clothes. Going to Foshini, I let her pick whatever she wanted and paid for it. Afterward, I drove her straight home. She asked if I wanted to go inside with her, but I said, some other time because I had a lot of work to complete. Getting back into my van, I drove off.

About a month later, I was so busy at work when I got a call from the hospital, telling me that Cindy had gotten admitted and was in labor. Screaming for Julia to cancel all my meetings, I ran out of my office, saying there was an emergency. Driving straight to the hospital, I went to the reception to find out Cindy's room number to go into. Finding the room number, I ran inside to Cindy, taking her hand in mine as I could hear her scream from the contractions. Not long after, our baby girl arrived. The nurses took our baby to do a check-up as I waited to hold my little girl in my arms for the first time. When the nurses were done, they brought my little girl to me and I carried her. Looking at her, I could see she looked nothing like me or Cindy, but she looked exactly like Ivan. Without saying a word to anyone, I handed over the little girl to Cindy and walked out. Walking down the corridor, I said Ivan ran to Cindy's room and that just confirmed things once again to me. Cindy's baby wasn't my baby. I was not the father, Ivan was. Taking out my phone from my pants pocket, I called Selan and asked him to meet me, which he agreed to.

At our spot, I told Selan about everything that had happened and we both drank together. Going home straight after, I went to bed, thinking about how pathetic my life really was. I wondered what Lucille was doing. If she managed to get some happiness, unlike me. I have seen her quite often on the television and I know I am a fool, but each one of her shows, I have recorded them and now have a collection of the different shows she recorded. She looked happy when I saw her, but because I know her so well, I could also see the sadness in her eyes as well. I wonder if she knows how much I still miss her. She has exactly 2 more months to go before she is due to deliver. Taking our photo, I held it as I slept, dreaming of her. I awoke remembering something that I had completely forgotten about. I remember when Lucille came back from America, and we were at the ski lodge, the first time we had slept together, I had completely forgotten to wear protection and ejaculated inside of her. Thinking back, it happened exactly 8 months ago and Lucille was going to be 8 months pregnant now. Could there be a possibility that the twins she is carrying were mine? Also, if she had slept with someone else, why was she so tight when I had slept with her? And the most important question I have is why did the private investigator I had hired not see her with another guy if she was sleeping with someone else. The investigator always told me that she was always seen alone in her room, studying. Thinking about everything she had told me, I felt things just didn't add up at all. I need to investigate further into this matter. I need to go and see her. After having made up my mind, I got out of bed to shower and get ready for work, thinking to myself, I urgently needed to go see her as soon as possible, but the meetings I had scheduled were very urgent and needed my full attention right now.