Everything I've wanted ☆ Gracie Abrams

34 - spiralin' is misrable

TW: Panic/anxiety attacks, mentions of abuse

Blakely could barely focus on the movie. Everything that had happened with her parents, what they said and did. How they came here intentionally to hurt her and worst of all Gracie. That's where the spiraling starts, when her mind was plagued horrible thoughts.

Gracie was fine before Blakely came along. Blakely showed up and turned Gracie's whole life upside down. Gracie has gone through so much because of Blakely. Was she even worth it? Was getting hurt by others even worth it? Blakely loved Gracie more than anything. She'd never loved someone the way she loved Gracie. If Blakely left, Gracie wouldn't hurt anymore. She wouldn't have the negatives of the media. Maybe Hayes would finally stop, I mean getting rid of Blakely is what he wants isn't it? She wouldn't have Blakelys parents out to get her. But even then, Blakely knew her parents, she knew her dad. He was a relentless and heartless man. He would stop at nothing to put Blakely down. What better way then getting Gracie to leave her. He already was trying to do that wasn't he?

It started with Mark and Becky calling Gracie a name. Would they try to hurt her the way they hurt Blakely? Verbally ruin her. Would mark hit Gracie given the opportunity? Blakely wouldn't let that happen, she couldn't live with herself if that sorry excuse for a man hurt a single hair on Gracie's head. In that case would Blakely be able to protect her? She could barely protect herself around him, what makes her think she'd be able to protect Gracie too. Would Gracie think she was weak, hate her for bringing this monster into her world.

Every thought in her head pointed into the same direction. A life where Gracie would leave her. Or a life where Blakely would leave Gracie to try and protect her from the ghosts of her past. Where Gracie would hate and resent her for one reason or another. Was she going to break up with Gracie? That's when Blakely couldn't take it anymore.

They were about half way through. Using the rest of her composure, Blakely kissed Gracie on the cheek and told her she was running to the bathroom. As soon as she stood up, her breathing began to stagger. Her long legs quickly carried her out of the theater and down the hall towards the bathroom. Her eyes flashed back and forth, turning and looking behind her every so often. She almost looked like she was running or hiding from something. In hindsight, she was. Blakely was good at running. When she didn't know how to handle something, she ran from it.

As soon as she stepped in the room, she lost it. Tears streamed down her face, soaking her neck. The anxiety attack was completely taking over. Her hand clutched her chest as she grabbed the sink, hunching over it. She was starting to hyperventilate, her hands shaking viciously.

Blakely looked down at her right hand as it shook. Turning it over and looking at her bruised knuckles. God she felt like she was turning into him. She couldn't turn into him. What if she did, what if she ended up hurting Gracie one day?

"No no no" she murmured between her staggered breaths. Panic attacks weren't uncommon for Blakely, in fact they likely happened more than they should have. It was one of the only things Gracie didn't know about the girl.

Her attacks started when she was just little, she thanked her parents for that. It often started with shaking, then her breathing picked up. In really bad cases, she would start to heat up. Starting at the back of her head, running down her neck and back. Her stomach would turn and she would get sick. So when she felt her neck heat up, she sobbed harder that she had initially been.

The bathroom door creeped open. Blakely stumbled back and rushed to hide in a stall. It was no use.

"B?" It was her brother, of course it was her brother. "Hey." His voice was soft. Her closed the door behind him and slowly approached Blakely. "Sit down B"