The Eclipsed Heart

Chapter 33

Murtasim clenched his phone in his hand, the sudden turn of events leaving him frustrated. The unexpected presence of Shahmeer, a name that carried a weight of discomfort for Murtasim since last night, only fueled the fire of irritation within him.

"Asked me out?" Murtasim muttered to himself, the words tasting bitter on his tongue. Who the hell was Shahmeer to ask out his wife? The thought gnawed at Murtasim, compelling him to throw his phone onto the sofa as he paced around the living room. He had left the meeting halfway through for this? His heart had been gnawing at him for three hours, only to return to an empty home. The walls that had earlier echoed with Meerab's disappointment now seemed to taunt him with his own stupidity.

Murtasim couldn't shake the disbelief that he actually thought Meerab would be waiting for him. But, why would she? Wasn't this what he wanted? The whole mantra of maintaining distance and boundaries replayed in his mind. Yet, he found himself grappling with a wave of this sudden frustration. The fact that Meerab had gone out with Shahmeer, her "best friend", shouldn't have bothered him this much. But, even Shahmeer's name seemed to fuel his anger.

He huffed out a sigh, rolling his eyes as he paced the room. But deep down, a part of him acknowledged the contradiction in his emotions. Why did he hope to find Meerab waiting for him when his own actions dictated otherwise? It was a tangled web of conflicting desires, leaving Murtasim feeling like a prisoner of his own emotions.

"Why would Meerab wait for me?" he mumbled to himself, the words a bitter realization. It was what he wanted, wasn't it? The mantra of distance and boundaries played on a loop, but the loneliness that settled in the quiet of his home contradicted his own intentions. But then again, it was all his fault to begin with. He was the one who left her, so why, why was he feeling this weird emotions now?

His thoughts spiraled as he tried to make sense of the whirlwind of emotions within him. Murtasim's pacing slowed as he sank into the sofa, his mind racing with conflicting thoughts. One moment, he found himself imagining what Meerab and Shahmeer were doing, where they might be, and the next, he'd dismiss it, convincing himself that he didn't care.

He had finished six mugs of black coffee, the bitter liquid doing little to dispel the bitterness that brewed within him. Murtasim's mind and heart waged a relentless war. One minute, he felt a pang of jealousy, wondering about the laughter shared between Meerab and Shahmeer, and the next, he'd remind himself that they were just friends.

"But I am an open-minded man right? Not like those rigid, narrow-minded men who would be weirdly possessive about their wives right?" Murtasim questioned aloud, the solitude amplifying the conflict in his thoughts. The realization that his own emotions were an enigma to him left him frustrated. He had created a narrative of detachment, yet here he was, torn by the unexpected ache that accompanied Meerab's absence.

The ticking clock on the wall seemed to mock him as he toggled between wanting to know and convincing himself that he didn't care. The image of Meerab's disappointed eyes flashed before him, a haunting reminder of his own actions.

"But why do I even care?" Murtasim muttered, as if trying to convince himself. The irony of his situation wasn't lost on him – a man who had set out to create distance now grappling with the void left by it.

Murtasim attempted to open his laptop, intending to immerse himself in work and distract from these thoughts. However, the image of Meerab's laughter, a sound that had once echoed around him, now felt like a distant melody, far out of his reach. He pictured them sharing a moment, Shahmeer perhaps saying something that drew out that infectious laughter, a sound that should be reserved for him only.

Closing the laptop with a sigh, His mind then wandered to a different scene – Meerab's hair, the way it cascaded around her shoulders. He imagined himself ruffling it, a gesture that had become familiar between them. But the way Shahmeer had performed the same gesture yesterday brought a pang of envy that tightened in his chest, a stark reminder of the moments that had slipped through his fingers.