The Love Diary

Sunday 4th February

I woke up this morning, the anger still simmering in my mind. I got up quickly and decided to do some yoga. I found a YouTube video, pulled out my mat and my yoga blocks and lost myself to the movement of my body.

At the end of the session I was instructed to lay on my back and stretch myself out. I pushed my arms up and pointed my toes pushing my legs down. When I then released and tucked my knees up to my chest I felt tingly all over. And relaxed.

The video ended and I laid on my mat for a moment longer just enjoying the feeling.

I then got up and fed the boys before hopping in the shower. I added a lavender shower bomb and put some music on in the background.

When I walked back into my room I picked up my phone to check the time. And saw a message.

‘Good morning. How was your day yesterday?’

I looked at the message and was overwhelmed with a need to see him. I was going to message Abbie and see if she could come round but now…

I messaged James back, telling him about Alfie and what happened last night. The message was long and after I sent it I wrote myself dried and dressed.

I was heading downstairs to get myself some breakfast when there was a knock at the door. The boys leapt up woofing and headed over to the door.

“James?” I exclaimed.

“Are you okay?” James said, looking at me with concern in his eyes.

“Yes and no.” I replied, stepping back for him to come in. He wrapped me in his arms and kicked the door shut with his foot.

I let myself sink into his body and took a deep breath. He put his hands on my arms and pushed me away from him, keeping hold of me and looking me up and down.

“You want to talk about it?” I had considered for a moment and ultimately decided no.

“Thank you for coming over. I feel so much better just having you here. Do you want some breakfast?”

“Of course I came. I would have come last night. If you ever need someone, I'll be there.” He followed me into the kitchen and took a seat at the table. He watched me the whole time.

I pulled out a bowl for breakfast and looked at him again. He shook his head and so I made my Weetabix and went to join him at the table.

I could feel him studying me while I ate and Duke and Chester spent the time sniffing him intently.

“So, what shall we do today?” James asked as I placed my spoon down in my bowl.

“What?”

“Well now I'm here we might as well spend the day together. I'm back on shift tomorrow so it's perfect!” He smiled wide.

“Well… I was going to take the boys out. We could head to Iken cliffs. The walks are lovely around there. And then, I can't remember what the pubs called but we could stop there for lunch?” James just smiled at me and then looked at the boys who were now sitting by him.

“Sounds good to me boys. Ready for walkies?” Their ears flicked, they titled their heads and then looked at me.

“Walkies.” I said standing up. They got up and whipped around to run down the hall. At the door Duke stood wagging his tail looking at us while Chester just chased his tail in tight circles.

The day was bright and cheery, with a gentle breeze fluttering through the trees. When we arrived the boys were on their leads for a little while out of the car park and the picnic area. Then they were off ahead, dashing left and right following each smell as it hit them.

After I let the boys off I hung their leads around my neck and James and I walked side by side.

As we were talking about the pub the other day, I felt James’ hand brush against mine. Then again.

I smiled to myself slightly. In the hope that he was doing it on purpose.

And to my joy, the next feeling was his hand slowly moving to take mine.

We walked hand in hand, chatting about work, childhood, school, happy memories and some sad memories.

“I mean I do love my dad. But at the same time I don't always think of him as my dad. He's just some guy I have dinner with sometimes…” I trailed off realising that it's a fairly deep conversation to have with a guy you've only kissed once.

“I'm sorry that it's been like that for you growing up. I don't know what I would do without my dad. But I suppose for you that's your mum.” I looked over at James, smiling.

We made it to the pub and I grabbed the boys as we headed inside. I love a dog friendly pub. We got a table tucked in the corner and the boys sat to my right and James sat across from me. I got a treat each out for Duke and Chester and it wasn't long before the treats were gone and they were both asleep on the floor.

I can't actually recall everything me and James spoke about today. But it was just flowing. There were no awkward silences. The small silences were companionable. But there weren't many.

We left the pub and walked back along the cliffs to the car. The walk is actually a lot longer than it seems and by the time we were pulling up back at mine it was dark.

“Do you want to come in for a bit or…” I didn't want James to leave. But I did need to get some jobs done before work tomorrow.

“I really want to. But, I need to get some jobs done before shift tomorrow and get to bed early.” He said, walking towards me slowly. I had already let the boys in and the door was only slightly ahar behind me.

James reached me and cupped my face with his hands. My head was tilted back slightly so I could look at his face clearly.

He pulled me close to him, pressing his lips against mine softly and slowly. I ran my hands up his chest, leaving one on his chest and trailing the other up to his shoulder. His left hand moved from my cheek to the back of my head and I felt him holding back. I kissed him back slowly.

He lent back slightly and smiled at me. His hands didn't leave me, but they loosened.

“James…” I sighed.

Then he crushed me to him. His lips bruised mine as he kissed me hard and fast. It was as if he had finally been given food after starving for weeks. I kissed him back with the same force.

He was magnetic. No matter how close I was. I wanted to be closer. I felt dizzy.

I pulled back, panting slightly.

James was also panting. He smiled and rested his forehead against my own.

“Alice. You have a hold over me…” he whispered.

We stood for a few moments just like this. Then she stood up straight and ran his hands over my head, straightening my hair.

I laughed and ran my hand through it as he let go.

“Bye.” I said shyly.

“Bye.” He said taking a step back. Then he paused. Then took another step back.

I stood at the door as he climbed back into his car and headed off with a wave.

I walked into my house biting my lower lip.

I stood for a moment just absorbing the day. The kiss.

I jumped as there was a knock at the door. I opened it and James swept me up and pushed me against the wall, holding me up in his arms with the force of his kiss.

After what felt like eternity he pulled back and lowered me slowly back to the floor.

“I just needed that one more to get me through.” I laughed at him in response and his eyes twinkled in the light as he looked at me.

“Bye.” He pecked me on the lips and then was gone.

Boy oh boy.