The Love Diary

Friday 29th March

I woke up this morning and felt an anxious pause settle over me.

I was seeing James tonight. 

I got up and got straight into the shower. I needed to feel refreshed and I let the water wash over my face as I seriously over thought what would happen that evening.

I got out and had breakfast sitting in my towel before I decided to put on some comfy clothes and set up my laptop at the table for work.

I did work. I did also think about James.

As lunch time rolled around I needed to get out some of my energy and decided to head out with the boys and get some fresh air and stretch.

We wandered to the park and I lapped it a few times, throwing the boys ball in all directions as I did so.

We got home and I tried to keep myself focused on work.

This was made harder when I got a message from Abbie.

‘What are you wearing later?’ 

This sent my mind into another spin. I hadn't actually considered what I would wear. I had only been thinking about what I would say, how I would act. Would we hug hello? Kiss on the cheek? 

Now I needed to look hot.

But not rub it in your face hot.

Oh damn.

I finished working and headed straight to my wardrobe and stood staring at my clothes.

I put out a light blue a-line dress and hung it on the door. I also pulled out my ‘little black dress’ and even threw some jeans on the bed.

This quickly got put back into the drawer.

Abbie sent me a picture of the dress she was going to wear and I managed to convince Beth to also wear a dress after she sent me a picture of jeans.

Both Abbie and Beth came to mine and we shared a taxi to the pub a little bit early. 

“Are you nervous?” Abbie asked as Beth put the drinks on the table.

“Yes and no.” I looked up and saw Beth and Abbie looking at each other.

“I'm nervous for him coming in, looking great and then having to say hello. But I know once that bit is over it'll be fine. It'll just flow.” 

“Can we talk about something else? Abbie I'm sure you have a horror work story you can tell us.” 

“Actually we were in a pursuit the other day and the rookie Jones, he literally puked everywhere.” 

She laughed and after a pause I laughed too. Some of the other guys turned up and joined us and they brought up the rookie being sick again.

“Alice.” Beth interrupted Abbie and her eyes darted to the door. I took a deep breath knowing it would be James.

I panicked for a moment. Did I stand? Did I stay seated? 

“Bar?” Beth whispered to me and I quickly got up and went to the bar with her.

“Now you don't decide what to do.” Beth whispered to me as we ordered more drinks. 

I quickly dropped my head onto her shoulder and whispered “love you.” 

“Alice?” I turned and James was smiling at me.

“James.” He opened his arms and stepped slightly towards me and I fell into him. It felt right being back in his arms and it took everything in me not to nuzzle in against him.

I stepped back and his arms dropped slowly to his side.

“Can I get you girls a drink?” He asked as the bartender came over. 

We got our drinks and we headed back over to the crowd. I did sit next to James.

The group kept the pressure off but I kept glancing right to James and each time he was looking at me. 

Just watching. Assessing I think.

I glanced over again as I could feel his eyes on me and he smiled at me. Then he inclined his head, asking me to go outside with him. I nodded slightly and got up. 

I walked out into the garden and stood against a tree, trying to shield myself from the strong breeze that was blowing.

A moment later I could tell James was now outside. He walked around me and stood in front of me. His hands in his pockets.

“Hey.” 

“Hey.” I smiled up at him unsure what I should say.

“I've missed you.” 

“I missed you too…” I said quietly.

He stood looking at me. His eyes moved around my face as if reading print like an open book.

In a second he had stepped close to me, one hand on my back and the other on my neck pulling me close.

His lips were next to my ear.

“Kiss goodbye?” He whispered.

I could barely breathe. I nodded.

His heat overwhelmed me as he closed the gap between us and his lips touched mine.

The feel of him was so familiar and I melted against him. I let myself fall right into the hole I had crawled my way out of.

But it was so intense.

We broke apart after a second and a lifetime all at once and stood looking at each other. I was holding my breath, he was panting slightly. 

I watched his chest fall in and out and took a deep breath and then looked at his face. He was watching me.

His eyes were sad.

“Alice…” I waited for him to say more. I was desperate for something more.

“I… I'd better go.” As he walked past me I turned and watched him go back into the bar. I could see him speak to Scott who looked through the glass door at me before turning and following James out the front door.

I was frozen in place.

I didn't really understand what had just happened. He started this and now he's run away.

I headed back inside and was ushered straight into the bathroom by Beth and Abbie.

I told them what happened. They called James names. Then said he probably still loves me but has his career now.

All the usual things you say to your mates when you're supporting them.

We headed back out to join the rest of the group and James and Scott were still missing. At that point I assumed they had headed to the concert early and I danced the night away with the girls and the police gang.