The Love Diary

Sunday 25th February

When I woke up this morning I rolled over and watched James sleep for a moment. I thought about the time we had spent together and considered what I might be losing today.

But the future I imagine now may never have come to pass and is not the one destined for us.

He flicks his eyes open and I'm smiling at him. He pulled me into him and we layed wrapped around each other for a long breath before it was too hot and we both got out of bed.

James hopped in the shower and I went downstairs to feed the boys and have some toast.

I was sitting at the dining table looking out the window when James came down.

“Doesn't look promising.” I said gesturing outside. I took another bite of toast as James walked over and surveyed the dark sky.

“Hmmm.” He took my other slice of toast and popped it into his mouth.

He stands next to me eating the toast and we both look out the window.

“I'd better go.” He brushed his hand against his thigh to remove the toast crumbs.

“You know I don't mind coming.” I said as I stood up and took my plate to the sink.

“No. It's going to be a bit crazy loading the van and then I don't want to say goodbye in front of the guys… it wouldn't be right.” He spoke slowly and paused slightly before saying right. He said it like he meant he couldn't do it right. Not that he would be embarrassed.

I nodded and he grabbed his bag from the living room and dropped it by the door.

He turned and took my face in his hands.

“Alice. We've not known each other for long. And this isn't goodbye. But thank you for the time we have spent together… and I look forward to every moment we can spend together in the future.” I smiled sadly up at him and he kissed me gently. 

The kiss deepened slightly, but he pulled back, as if he wouldn't be able to control it getting any deeper.

“I wish we'd had more time James. But I hope this job is everything you dreamed it would be and more.” 

He wrapped his arms tightly around me, holding me securely against him. I wrapped mine around his belly. Holding myself to him. I took a breath and could smell the citrus shower gel he likes to use and a breath of aftershave I'm sure is called oak and cedar attack or some other ridiculous description.

James slowly loosened his hold on me and then finally stepped back completely. He said goodbye to Duke and Chester who had sat next to us patiently. Clearly assuming they were going for a walk, before picking up his bag and opening the door.

He held it partially closed so the boys wouldn't get out and in less than a second he had slipped through the door. I peered round and watched him walk to his car, reverse, and wave. Then he was gone.

I didn't shut the door straight away. And just as I decide I should, Penny's car pulls up, followed by Lizzie's. 

Penny, Harriet, Ally, Lizzie and Holly all get out of the car, various bags amongst them and walk towards me.

I start to cry. I don't know whether it's because James left or because these girls are the absolute best.

I opened the door wide and they all filed in. You know things are bad when Penny stops to hug you. That made more tears fall down my cheeks.

The house was instantly filled with noise and commotion and the boys were having a field day with the attention they were getting.

The girls made us lunch, set out various snacks and desserts and we grabbed a few blankets and all cosied up onto the sofa and chair and put on movies, starting with She's the Man and working through both The Princess Diaries.

The laughter didn't stop as we spent the afternoon together, and it was only when Duke jumped on top of me, Harriet, Lizzie and Holly did I realise they needed a walk.

Holly and Lizzie said they would come with, the others had to head out.

“I love you girls.” I said to them as they walked away and I turned to find Duke and Chester patiently being harnessed by Lizzie and Holly.

We walked around the park. Somehow the rain had yet to fall but still lurked ominously in the sky. 

“I really really appreciate you guys all coming here today. But you absolutely don't have to stay. I'm ok.” I was almost certain.

“You can call any of us if you need and we can be right over!” Holly said to me sternly!

I laughed and hugged her and then hugged Lizzie. They waved from their cars and then they were gone.

“Just us now boys.” I said to Duke and Chester who were sleeping on their beds in the living room.

I decided to go and have a shower and I took my time, letting the hot water pinken my skin. I got out and grabbed the phone to order a Chinese. 

When it was delivered I flicked through Netflix and then Disney+ and decided to watch The Last Man Alive.

After a lot of internal monologue, I convinced myself to get up and go to bed. Ready to start fresh tomorrow.