NCIS One Shots

I needed you... I needed you and you were not there...

Setting: Season 4 Episode 1 (Shalom), when Gibbs 'retired' and came back for her

Pairing: Z/G (Father-daughter Relationship)

TW: Past Childhood Trauma, C-PTSD, Daddy Issues, Abandonment Issues

Ziva David/ Leroy Jethro Gibbs POV (Third Person Omniscient)

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Summary:

Gibbs left Ziva behind when he 'retired' and she felt abandoned once again, after all the reason she came to NCIS was all because of him. But he comes back just for her, to save her. What happens when Ziva confronts him about him leaving her behind?

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AN:

Kinda a song fic - Fourth of July by Sufjan Stevens (Not really)

Gibbs is staying because of Ziva

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He was back... Gibbs was back! He came for her, to rescue her. But Ziva had conflicted feelings about it, she was glad that he was back, he came back just for her, but at the same time, she was angry that he left her behind and scared that he would leave her again.

She was grateful that he came back for her. She was surprised that he actually came back for her, no one ever cared enough to do anything for her let alone drop everything and save her from danger. 

On the other hand, she was furious. She had a lot of time to think during the time he left. And the more she thought about him leaving the more she got angrier, he left without thinking how she would feel, about how it would affect her.

The Mossad Officer was terrified as well, she was scared that he would leave her again. She needed him as much he needed her, they were a perfect match, they both had lost so much, they understood each other. She couldn't bear to lose him again, she already lost so many people over the years, she couldn't lose the only person who actually cared about her. 

Right now, the case was finally closed and Ziva was no longer in danger. There was finally time to stop and talk about all the things she wanted to say to him. Once everything slowed down, she was starting to drown in her own emotions, they all mixed into a jumbled mess.

The two were in Gibbs' basement in uneasy silence, there was a slight tension between them as they drank bourbon from mason jars across each other. Gibbs knew something was on her mind the moment he walked in and saw her again, something she wanted to say but she bit her tongue and held back. Ziva kept glancing up at him, fighting the urge to break down and the words would spew out like a waterfall uncontrollably.

Finally, Gibbs gave in, he knew he hurt his little girl when he left her behind and he deserved to hear whatever she had to say to him even if it meant taking a blow and whatever feelings she threw his way. "Ziver-" He started in a gentle tone encouragingly.

But the traumatized little girl registered the concern in his voice and that made her feel guilty for feeling hurt by his actions. Maybe it was the way nobody had ever loved like he did or maybe it was the way she never had anyone before. And slowly, the more thoughts ran through her mind, the more saddened she became and as the feelings exacerbated she felt something warm and wet fall down her cheek and before she knew it, she was crying.

"Oh, Ziver..." He whispered ever so gently as he closed the gap between them. "Did you get enough love, my little dove, why do you cry?" Softly, he cradled her face in his hands and continued. "And I'm sorry I left, but it was for the best, though it never felt right." His voice was so calming.

"I needed you..." Her voice cracked in melancholy and she took a shaky breath, "I needed you and you were not there..." Another tear slowly rolled down her cheek. There was a dull pain in her chest gradually blooming from the bottom of her heart, he really hurt her. "I am drowning and you are not here, I feel like I can not breathe."

Gibbs felt bad for what he had done, delicately he used his calloused thumb to swipe away the straying tear. He didn't know what to say to comfort her. He stared into her big teary eyes and saw all the hurt he had caused and all he wanted to do at that moment was to protect her from everything. 

"You left and you hurt me..." She said under her quivering breath and another wave of pain washed over her when she admitted the pain out loud, she dipped her head and started sobbing ever so quietly into her hands. Gibbs' heart broke at the sight of her in pain and he pulled her in to hug her as he gently stroked her soft curls.

"I never meant to hurt you Ziver." He confessed. He never thought that it would hurt her this much, he knew she didn't have a good childhood but he didn't know her abandonment issues were this severe. And yes it was his fault for all the hurt, he didn't deny it. He didn't mean to leave her, it was impulsive for him to run away like that.

She pulled away to look up at him in the eyes, "But you did. What about me? Did you ever think about me?" She spoke with desperation for him to understand how much she needed him, how much he meant to her. "You left and I was alone, I had no one." Tears were streaking her perfect skin as she spoke.

"I'm back now Ziver and I'm not leaving you again," Gibbs promised his little girl. There was no way in hell he was going to hurt her again, he had forgotten how much he needed her to feel something again, to feel what it's like to have a connection with someone.

But it was just words, empty words and Ziva didn't know if to believe him or not. And according to past experience, she wouldn't have, but this was Gibbs, he was the only one who ever actually cared about her, he was the father she always wanted but never had.

"Make me believe you. You left without saying anything, you just left. Why should I believe you now?" She needed him to prove himself, to prove to her that he was worth his word. She wanted him to promise, that's all she needed to hear. 

"I love you too much to do anything to hurt you again." Gibbs assured her the best he could. "I'll do whatever it takes to make you believe me, trust me. I won't ever stop trying to convince you that I love you." By now he was starting to tear up as well, he loathed the thought of losing Ziva. "I promise."

Ziva really wanted to believe what he promised. Softly, she slipped back into his loving embrace in his arms and bathed in the warmth and comfort of his presence. "I can not lose you again." She mumbled against his chest as teardrops started saturating his shirt. 

"You won't." The father figure looked down lovingly at the little girl he was cradling in his arms and wondered how he was so lucky to have her in his life. He was never going to let her go ever again.

"I love you too Gibbs." Ziva said finally as her tears slowly subsided. She wasn't sure that this was going to fix her abandonment issues but that was all reassurance she needed for now. "I am glad that you are back." She whispered.

"Me too." Gibbs whispered back and tenderly pressed a kiss into the top of her head. Ziva was the closest thing he had to a daughter, he loved her with all his heart. "I love you Ziver." He said again.

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AN:

Is this a reflection of what I'm feeling? Like nobody's there for me?

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