MERCENARY 3: Descent into Madness |BTS JIMIN FF|

2

These last few days I've been awake have been nothing but agony.

All I'm doing is looking up at the ceiling, watching the lights flicker until they become too blurry to see, and then I end up nearly choking on my tears. The only thing changing is the sun coming and leaving through the window.

I tried to get out of my bed, but Namjoon and Jin have set up a 24-hour supervision on me. They say it's to make sure that I'm healing, but I know what this is. I'm not an imbecile. They set up a suicide watch.

If I could get a single minute, just to throw myself out of this window....

They also carry no weapons, so I don't somehow end up with them. So I tried using one of the wires to strangle myself, but the wire broke. So now they got me restrained. My hands are tied to the bed frame.

I was thinking about biting off my tongue, but that wouldn't kill me.

I can't even try and break my neck because I can't use my hands.

I haven't seen a single doctor or a nurse to ask them to free me. Namjoon must have paid them not to come near me.

They even follow me to the bathroom. It's just too much.

I can't even die. And that's killing me even more.

'Hey.' A soft murmur from the door was not directed at me. It was Jin coming to swap with Namjoon, who stayed here the entire day.

Namjoon cracked his neck, then his back, and then got up from the chair. 'He's refusing to eat. Again.'

I heard Jin sigh deeply, but he didn't say anything. And if he did anything, I couldn't see. My eyes are stuck to the light above me as I'm hoping to wither way.

'Any better?'

'Only 2 panic attacks today. It's better than 3 days ago.'

'Right.'

They kept it low and quiet, murmuring for the most of it to not let me hear. They still don't get that I don't care.

After another minute of chattering, Jin came over to the side of the bed, peering down at me.

'Sup, J?'

He sighed heavily at my silence, then spoke again.

'You gotta eat, man. If you're trying to starve yourself, I'm sorry to tell you, you can't. You have IV here.' He flicked the bag hanging above me twice. 'Even if you don't eat or drink, you won't die. Might as well get something in you.'

I closed my eyes, feeling the tears silently slipping through the cracks in the corners, washing down the sides of my face.

'Why can't you just let me die?' I whisper, just not sure if it's to him or to myself

'Because I don't want to. I'm not watching you throw your life away like this.'

'I don't have a single reason to go on.'

'You have plenty. You are just destroyed by grief and you can't see them. You don't want to see them.'

'I don't need to see them. I don't need to stay in this cursed life, hating every moment of every day because I have to live through it without her. Hurting through every second because the pain is unbearable, and the only one who could ever take that pain away is her, and she's gone. And it's all because of me! If I just went with her that one fucking time, we wouldn't be here! She is gone because I couldn't keep a single promise I gave her! I couldn't protect her. I couldn't do a thing for her. And then I watched her die, taking her last breath in my arms, still unable to do a single thing. And now you're stopping me from fulfilling my last promise to her. You won't even let me do that much. Just let me go!'