MERCENARY 3: Descent into Madness |BTS JIMIN FF|

75

Pity. That's what he thinks this is. Me coming back to him. Out of pity.

I asked him to be honest. I asked him to be what he always was with me, and he did it. The least I can do is return the favour. 

I took all of what he said in, tying the loose, shaking ends threatening to fall apart, back together. They're tied with a loose rope, but they're holding on. But even if those threads snap, he will know everything I hadn't told him. If he could come back to me and be honest with me even when he couldn't remember me, then I can be honest with him now. 

'I first woke up in one of their makeshift hospital rooms. They have a doctor. They called him S. I don't know his name, as they never said it, but he is in his 50s. I could recognize him if I saw him. Either way, he performed a surgery on me and saved me. The knife just missed my heart and the artery, but I bled out too much and my heart stopped once before I truly survived.'

'I don't remember that part the best as I was on morphine and I couldn't breathe on my own for over a week after that, so I was in and out. But I remember Ren showing me a picture of you laying in that field, covered in blood. He came to mock me about your death. I blacked out after that, and my heart stopped again. I wished to die so badly, but I was too weak to even end myself, and the moment I could breathe on my own, they transfered me to one of their underground rooms.'

He didn't say a single thing. All he did was look at me, almost like a statue besides his eyes watering, but he didn't ask a thing. He let me talk. So I did.

'It was an empty room with a bed and a toilet, with padded walls and looked like a shop display. Everyone could see me. Not that many people did. They kept me secluded from everyone. I only saw Shadow twice when he came to mock me and tell me how sorry he was for my loss and how hard it must be to be a Widow. Said I could truly join them now, considering the title. And then he told me what I had not known until then.'

My teeth clattered in anger and disgust, and I barely held it together. This... This is what was the worst of it all. To remember. To look at the man I love and talk about it. And he knew what it was, and gave me a sad, tired smile with a nod, encouraging me to tell him.

'When Ren first... did what he did, or one of the first times before I nearly died, he got me pregnant. Thank fuck it died with me, not that I could have carried it anyway. You know just as well as me how much trauma my body had been through. But be as it may, I knew nothing of it until then. And that was the start of the torture he put me through.'

'The room I was in had some ventilation system through which he drugged me and rendered me incapable of even talking. After I'd be just conscious enough to know what's going on, he would come inside and do whatever he wanted, knowing I couldn't run.'

As much as I tried to keep the tears in, I couldn't. They ran down my face and there was not a thing I could do as I kept telling him everything I didn't want to remember.

'I remember everything he did. Everywhere he touched me. How he did it. How much it made me sick, and how much it hurt. But the only thing worse than remembering it like this is when I'm asleep. I can see it all. I can feel him all over me. I can hear him and see him.' I sobbed softly, while he stayed quiet and wiped my tears, leaving aupportive kisses on my forehead.

'And I remember him trying so hard to get me pregnant again. He was laughing about using pills and such to keep himself going. He wanted it so badly, telling me he'd keep me down there and breed me like a dog.' I wailed, having to stop because I couldn't make audible words anymore

'Rain, you don't have to push yourself to tell me this. Please.' He hugged me tightly, not an ounce of judgement in his voice. He understood what it was to me; the pain and disgust.