MERCENARY 3: Descent into Madness |BTS JIMIN FF|

7

JIMIN POV

After failing to even distract myself, I picked my sorry self up and decided to visit the site. I need to see what happened there.

'J-uhh- what are-Where are you going?' Namjoon spoke to me when I got back upstairs, stopping me in my tracks. He looked me up and down, his eyes obviously pausing at my bloody hands and a little, shallow cut I left on my forearm

'Seems I can't even kill myself, so you don't have to be so worried.' I looked at my hands, feeling helpless even in this. I really am beyond pathetic.

'Do you want one of us to go with you? Wherever you're going?' Jin offers, and it's like he knows what I'm doing. The way he's looking at me, the way they all are, it's honestly awful. It's the same way you would look at a wounded animal, dying on the street.

'No. Just let me be.'

I walked away, not wanting to waste another breath to speak. Another wave of that same pain and sadness as soon as our bedroom door opened, and then another round of collecting myself before actually getting ready.

I didn't realize I had blood on my face until I went to wash off the one from my hands and saw myself in the mirror. I have it in my hair, too. I think I will listen to that voice of hers that I keep imagining and just dye it black. It hides the blood easier.

I definitely lost weight. I put on my trousers only for them to slip down an inch instantly. I had to tie them up to keep them up, and then my knives pulled them back down, making me tighten them even more, even after tucking my shirt inside. The same shirt I wore so many times, the same one that stuck to me perfectly, is now floating around my waist, puffing out on the sides above my hips. Maybe I'll gain some of it back before I die. Probably not.

I would have snuck out through the window if I had the strength to jump down, but I would honestly just tip over the window and fall 10 feet down on my face. So, basically, my own weakness forced me to go through the front door where I simply ignored everyone and grabbed the first car keys I could see, and then I left.

Driving down to the place was slowly filling me with dread and anger. Anger because this is where I failed to save her. Because this is where I watched her die, and couldn't do a thing about it. And dread because the closer I got to it, the more I knew it was all real. And the moment I stepped on that site, every single hope got crushed.

This is the same place we were at days ago, yet it's a completely different one. There are no warehouses. There is no building. Everything is just tons of completely flattened rubble. The only things still standind are the roots of the building that was once there, and a few metal poles sticking from the grounds where one of the warehouses was. 

There are no bodies, not a single one. It's like all that awful war never happened. Except that the blood is still all over the place. 

I slowly walked through the destroyed ground, carefully stepping over pieces that looked too fragile and on the brink of breaking apart even more. Dead silence made my footsteps echo, because everything I stepped on sounded like it's exploding under my feet. 

I went all around, looking for any sign of life, a body that maybe wasn't noticed, checking under the bigger pieces or stone and metal. But whoever cleaned this place up did a good job. There was nothing. Not even a single bird is here. It's like an empty graveyard. 

I kept walking aimlessly, at this point not even sure what I'm doing here. In the light of the day, with the sun shining brightly upon the place instead of the darkness that swallowed it whole last time, it doesn't feel like I'm in the same place I was in. At least until I stumbled upon the splatter of blood that I knew was exactly where my everything died.