MERCENARY 3: Descent into Madness |BTS JIMIN FF|

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She was silent for a long while, and I already said my goodbyes to any sort of answer, but to my surprise, she started talking.

'I was back in that room where they kept me. I couldn't move, but I could feel everything. He left bitemarks on my legs until they bled.' She pressed her thighs tighter as if she can feel the pain still, and took a staggering breath. 'I could hear him laughing, forcing himself on me with rage, telling me that you'll be turning in hell watching him give me pleasure you never could.'

The worst part is knowing that it's not just baseless dreams. Those don't mean much. It's the fact that it happened, and it happened more than once. She is reliving her memories, as hazy as they are. She already told me they kept her drugged up, so she can't piece some things together.

'How did you keep yourself together at all when you had all those dreams?' She tilted her head a little, her glazed eyes looking at me

'You know that answer better than I do, baby. I barely knew who I was. It was you who held me together. You and nothing else.'

'Then how come I can't hold myself together?' A whimper of pain, one full of frustration and screaming I'm tired slipped out, and she was begging for an answer

'You don't have to hold yourself together. You let yourself break, and I'll be here to hold the pieces together. Just like you've done for me.'

'I don't know what to do.' Another whimper

'Does it help when I hold you like this?' I ask and she nods, looking down at her curled up legs. 'Then maybe let me hold you all night like this.'

I wasn't sure if it was her or my heart, but something was vibrating between us, besides the obvious tension.

'I will not even get under the covers with you. I will stay on top. I won't touch you or kiss you. Just let me hold you like this. Let me shield you from your fear. It helped me. Maybe it will help you just the same.'

This was possibly the boldest thing I could ask of her, but I might be a bit more impatient than I'd like to admit to myself. I might be selfish and I'm asking to help myself just as much as I want to help her.

One more try.

'Can you at least think about it? It doesn't have to be now. It can be in a day. Or a week. Or a month. Just think about it? Please?' And please don't let it be a month. I am going to wither away.

'Okay.' She whispered and cuddled up to me again. I'll think about it.'

'You will?' I sounded way too enthusiastic, and maybe it was a bit embarrassing, but she chuckled a little

'You said so yourself. It helped you. It might help me. Besides all that, I want to. I really want to sleep in your arms again. I'm just... I'm scared I'll hurt you in my sleep.'

'No matter what you do, nothing will hurt as much as losing you have.'

'What if I hit you in the crotch?' She teases

'Well, it's been out of comission for a while, and it will be for a long time ahead. Hit away.' I teased back, snickering a little as she hit me with the weakest punch in the stomach

'All this time... you didn't...' It took me a second to realize what she was asking, and I didn't know if I should laugh or not

'I didn't even want to breathe, let alone touch myself. And I wasn't joking when I said that it was out of comission. I genuinely thought I became impotent. Not even when that whore tried to seduce me and-'

She pulled away so fast that she almost fell off of me and I had to grab her so she wouldn't, but the glare that replaced the earlier fear had me fearing for my life.