MERCENARY 3: Descent into Madness |BTS JIMIN FF|

57

RAIN POV

I'm alive.

He is alive.

I have his hand in mine. 

I can feel his eyes on me at every living, breathing second, and I can't force myself to look back at him. I feel like he'll disappear if I do, and I'll wake up in that room they kept me in most of the time.

My anchor to reality and freedom are his fingers between mine and the warmth of his palm pressed against mine. I'm afraid to let go. Maybe if I do, I'll be dragged back to the haunted, cursed place.

I'm not scared of him. I could never be. He is what I was thinking every damn minute of every damn day. I pictured his face in my mind. When I was breaking, I heard his voice telling me to keep going. Telling me he loves me. Thinking he was gone and I was still here was what nearly killed me. I gave up and I shut down.

I remember him holding me in his arms when So Jin tried to kill me. I heard his cries and pleas, and it became blurry after that. A blank spot in my mind that I can't remember. But I vaguely remember waking up in a room that looked like a hospital one. A surgical room. The lights above me were bright and it all reeked of medicine and alcohol. And I remember not being able to breathe. Or move. 

I had a mask attached to my face because my lungs weren't strong enough. I felt weak and like my own blood was burning me from the inside out. 

'Good morning, sunshine. You really won't die, will you?' *laughter* 'Your heart stopped and restarted. What a pain in the ass you are.'

'I told So Jin to just let you die, but he wants you to be a pretty little bait for the rest of those mercenaries of yours. At least those we don't have and those who are not dead. By the way, my condolences. Your one and only is gone. Look.'

Jimin. Blood drowning his chest and coming through his mouth as he lays lifelessly on the ground. 

My tears burnt and my heart was racing, so much so that I blacked out again after that, and don't remember much. 

I woke up in the same room multiple times, before being able to  breathe on my own. Then I woke up in a room that held nothing in it but a bed and a toilet. It was padded on the walls like a room from an asylum, with a massive glass window in the front, like I'm an animal on display. 

That's where they kept me most of the time. Where Ren was visiting me and taking his turn on me almost daily. I couldn't even fight back. They had some kind of ventilation system in the damn thing, and he would drug me by venting whatever it was in, and would come in only when I couldn't walk. But I remember it. I remember it all.

I remember his hands on my body. I remember him licking and biting wherever he could. I can still hear his moans and grunts while I laid there half unconcious. I remember him beating the shit out of me because I kept calling Jimin's name, because that's all the strength I could muster. I couldn't save myself, and the little strength I gathered one time, I ended up breaking my arm. I fought him with all I had, but weakened as I was, there was no real fight there. He broke my arm so I couldn't fight him, and then had his fun anyway.

I also remember throwing up for days after finding out that I was pregnant. There was about 0.5% chance of me ever ending up pregnant, and I was just lucky enough to end up with Ren's spawn. Thank fucking god So Jin killed me. Well, killed the thing. I would have done it myself if it didn't happen then.

That's yet another reason why I can't bring myself to look at Jimin. Another man's child was supposed to be in me. How could I ever look at my own husband, the love of my life, and act as if it never happened. Act as if I wasn't someone else's personal sex doll for months.