MERCENARY 3: Descent into Madness |BTS JIMIN FF|

62

RAIN POV

'Am I going to lose you?'

I never imagined 6 simple words, a single question, could kill me. Kill him.

His eyes turned into melted galaxies as they glossed over with the watery veil, and his fingers dug into my side as the broken whisper escaped him. 

He seemed surprised by his own question, like this is is not what he meant to ask, and maybe so, but I can't say that I'm surprised. I am however in pain, only because I know he has every right to ask.

This fucked up life or not, I know that what we have is special. Rare. This is not the kind of love that comes to everyone. This is not something you ever find again. Our souls were made of the same piece, broken in two to find each other. If we even have them. 

We are not saints. Hell, we are not even good people. We are both flawed and ruined to the point of no return. We don't get to have a happy ending and hop through the gates of Heaven once we're gone. But whatever damnation awaits us, hell or wherever people like us are sent to, we are made to go there together. Maybe we won't hop there happily, but we will crawl through the fiery pits, and we will do it alongside each other. 

'Never.'

Closing his eyes and leaning forward, he rested his his forehead on my shoulder as a deep, staggering breath left his lungs. One of relief. One of hope. One laced with sadness and joy at the same time.

Raking my fingers through his hair, I pulled him closer to let him hold me because we both needed it. His nose is brushing against the skin of my throat, and his breathing is warming the spot beneath it, sending shivers through my body.

'I'm not losing you. I'm not losing my baby.' He murmured to himself, embracing me tighter where his arms were wrapped around my back. 'I can't lose you.' 

I jolted a little, not expecting him to kiss my neck. It was a soft kiss, his lips simply pressing into my skin for a few short moments, but it still made me jump, and he instantly pulled away.

'I'm sorry. I'm sorry! I-' He started panicking and apologizing, which is a horrible sight to hear and see because he didn't do a single thing wrong

'It's-'

'I'm so sorry, Rain. I just can't-' He gulped, swallowing the ball of tears back down, 'I've missed you to near death. I have you back, but it's like I don't. I don't know what to do, love. Please, tell me what to do.' Pleading, breath shaking, eyes pooling... he can't hide the pain anymore. I'm breaking him all over.

'Remember earlier when I said that I wanted to talk?'

'Yeah.' He nodded

'This... this is what I wanted to talk about.' 

'Okay. Tell me what do you need me to do. What to avoid. Do you need me to change? I can change-'

'Jimin, you can't do a thing here.' I cut him off, making him freeze. 'I don't want you to change a thing about yourself. And not only are you not doing a thing wrong, but you're going way over what needs to be done to be accomodating. I am not blind. I know you better than you know yourself. I know how much pain you're trying to hide. I know it hurts you that everytime you come close I pull back.'

We both know that what I'm saying is spot on, and he's not even trying to deny it. But even if he did, I would know. He removed his masks long ago for me, that even when he puts it on, I can see right through it.

'Are... are you afraid of me? Of what I'll do? Because I promise, I won't ever do anything you don't want me to do. Not ever.'

From pain, to panic, to more pain. It seems to be the constant emotion these days for us both.