Fame (Except Not) [GxG Fanfic]

49

"It's just..." I stop. I think. This always gets complicated, and I never quite know how to explain. Because it isn't what Anna thinks. It isn't really that. I like giving oral. I really like giving it. But I also like getting it, too. I mean, I'm not dead, so of course I do. It's really not that I don't want Anna to go down on me. I do want her to. I was just trying to make sure that she actually wanted to, rather than that she felt obliged.

Because I don't want her to feel obliged. I don't want anyone to, actually, not obliged to me. I don't want someone who isn't completely into that doing it to me. Not down there, peering at me, tasting me, touching me like that, not if it's going to be a chore for her.

I don't want to be a chore. I really don't. I don't want so much that I think I'd rather just not, and do nothing at all, than be a chore to someone, especially Anna. I don't want anyone down there, kissing me there, touching me there, and not absolutely wanting to be doing it.

I don't know if this makes much sense, but it's just how I feel.

I want to feel attractive. I mean, I suppose everyone does, so that isn't a surprise. I want to feel desirable, and special, and wanted, and I'm not going to feel like that if I'm wondering whether someone who's doing that is actually enjoying being down there. Because if she's only tolerating me, or putting up with me, and how I taste and smell, and if she doesn't actually like doing it, not like I like doing it, then I'm not going to feel attractive, at all.

And yes, if it's a choice between feeling unattractive, and not getting head, then I think I'd rather not get head. I mean, when it's put as starkly as that, wouldn't you too?

So anyways, that's me. And how I think too much. Which I do. And that's all fine, everything's fine, except that I worry about this too much. I mean, obviously I worry too much. And the reason I do, the reason I'm trying to explain, is weirdly, because I like giving head so much. Because I like it, I completely adore it, but I also know that some people don't. And while I know that, I also really don't understand it. I mean, I don't understand it at all. I find it strange, and curious, and actually slightly inhuman. Just to be horribly honest. And that messes with my confidence about letting people do it to me.