So much time has passed but it feels like yesterday
My memories are past but the harm won't fade away
I have healed so much yet I want to be bad again
I miss the rush, relief and all the pain
I am torn, torn apart between present and past
I want to get better but I want it to last
Because it's nothing you just quit
You hate it but you also love it
Because that's what an addiction does: Tear you apart
It controls your thoughts and breaks your heart
Destroys the way you see yourself, they way you live
Not letting you escape and neither forgive
☆
Just because you quit self harming the addiction doesn't immediately end. It takes time. Even months or years after you still have to fight the urges, but it gets easier and less frequent.
I thought, "When I get to one year I will be over it". I wasn't. I thought, "When I have 18 months, my depression will be gone". It isn't.
I am better, yes, so there is hope.
But you can't expect to be fine, just because you hit a certain milestone. I cried for days after not being fine at 18 months just because I felt guilty for not being better.
☆
I am really not great with rhymes, so most poems won't be like this one. I am happy with it though, especially the first stanza.
Hopefully someone of you likes it as well, but I mostly write for myself anyways.
YOU ARE READING
It does get better.
PoetryPeople say it will get better. But to be fair, most of them never were in your place. They say you will get happy again, but how can they know? I've struggled with trauma, mental illnesses and self harm for many years. These are (mostly) poems - abo...
