I take pleasure in the pain
Seek comfort in destruction
The guilt paired with relief
The inability to stop
Yet not wanting to continue either
That's what's making it an addiction
Staring at the screen for hours and hours
Fleeing to fiction in my mind
Deliberately hurting my body
Shoving food into me till nausea
Quitting just to start again
Watching green turn to purple
Watching myself fall apart
All the shame yet I don't seem to learn
☆
Self harm can be, and for most people is, an addiction. Most things can be addictions, not just substances/drugs like alcohol or meth or whatever. The point of addictions is that you get happy-making hormones like dopamine while actually hurting you. It doesn't matter if it's because of chemicals, pleasent stimulation or pain.
People need to stop saying "just quit" when that's not how it works. Quitting is hard and not starting again is much much harder.
YOU ARE READING
It does get better.
PoetryPeople say it will get better. But to be fair, most of them never were in your place. They say you will get happy again, but how can they know? I've struggled with trauma, mental illnesses and self harm for many years. These are (mostly) poems - abo...
