I don't want to feel this way
But it feels so good
I can't just walk away
And I'm not sure that I would
There's a tumor growing in my heart
It's bacteria in my flesh
And this is just the start
The infection is still fresh
A disease inside my head
And it will grow
It will spread
Starting slow
It's a parasite inside my brain
Laying eggs, corrupting me
I'm starting to love the pain
And in this prison I feel free
It starts to ooze
Poison dripping down my eyes
This is a fight I'll lose
Leading to my demise
It's twisting what I feel
It's blurring what I see
I can't tell what's real
And slowly it's possessing me
This disease
It's a lethal one
And when it seems to ease
It has already won
☆
I didn't write this about self harm, but it still fits. In my opinion this can be about many emotions and addictions.
I tend to obsess over things, like a certain show or movie, an interest, a hobby and sometimes a person.
I hate how my brain throws all the happy-homrones (of which I really don't have that many..) at me at once. I love the rush I get, but at the same time it's awful.
I sometimes feel like a drug addict, just without the drugs. That's probably part of why self harm became such a big part of my life, but it messes with me all the time.
Sometimes I like it, my obsessions got me through some tough times. And I know this is just how my brain works, but it still makes me feel sick.
☆
Oh, and also, I recently reached my 2 year milestone of being self harm free. So it is indeed possible :)
YOU ARE READING
It does get better.
PoetryPeople say it will get better. But to be fair, most of them never were in your place. They say you will get happy again, but how can they know? I've struggled with trauma, mental illnesses and self harm for many years. These are (mostly) poems - abo...
