I am always watching and observing
Why is doing nothing so unnerving?
I swear, I'm empathetic
But acting just pathetic
I wish I had the strength to help you
But I am broken, too
I can see your problem
Know that you're a victim
I can watch, but never act
Just like an animal photographer
Who couldn't intervene
In anything they've seen
Are we even friends,
If I can't help with your distress?
I think I'm just surveilling you
Looking through a camera lens
Always parted by the glass
And I try to break it down
Glass shards all around
Shattered to the ground
As I walk towards you
It's a burning touch
Thick red blood, coating every inch of me
All the pain, it hurts so much
But I go on, must push through
Can't shut it out or run away
Because it's too deep within
Like the glass, stuck beneath my skin
And just as the glass, I am broken beyond repair
☆
I started writing this in early November but struggled with the rhymes, so it took a while.
I am currently working on two other poems as well, so I'll probably post again this year.
As for the content of this poem, it's about feeling responsible for others, but also helpless. In the past months, I was confronted with helping and not helping others a lot.
I saw the childhood friend (from the other poem), had to help the probably most important person in my life through being suicidal, was manipulated and guilt tripped online, and now even lost a pet.
I know I can't and shouldn't help everyone, but I always feel like it's my responsibility. I know why that is, I try to change it and set boundaries, but it's hard. It's hard to realize I can't control everything and sometimes really just watch.
YOU ARE READING
It does get better.
PoetryPeople say it will get better. But to be fair, most of them never were in your place. They say you will get happy again, but how can they know? I've struggled with trauma, mental illnesses, and self harm for many years. These are (mostly) poems - ab...
