(picture: Citizen Soldier - I'm not okay)
Scars tell a story
Scars make you beautiful
Scars belong to you
That's what they say, thinking it will help
But not everyone has scars
If they show how strong you are
Doesn't that mean I am weak?
Because not every harm can be seen
It might just fade
Or be invisible from begin
Some don't cut at all
And when you do it ain't enough
You call it baby cuts
You say it's just scratches
You say it's not enough
You make me think I am weak
You convince me to get worse
Because self harm is competitive
Because someone always does it worse
How do I know I'm not just faking it?
How can it be bad enough if I can't prove it?
You feel ashamed
You wish the marks to fade
But when they do
The validation does as well
The struggle stays
But it doesn't feel deserved
To call out for help
If others maybe need it more
If they might not take you seriously
You get cover-up tattoos - I wish there was something to cover up for me
☆
The truth is: It will never be enough.
So when you will always seek more pain, never want to stop, you might just quit now before it gets even worse, right?
Because not going deeper doesn't make you weak. It's the opposite, it shows how strong you really are. That deep down you are still fighting.
I didn't hold back because I was "just doing it for attention", I did because I was scared of completely losing myself to the addiction. (On that note: If someone does it for attention they still need and deserve help.)
This chapter had about 3 more paragraphs of my trying to validate my experiences. Trying to prove that I am bad enough by listing for how long I struggled and what I did.
I can't post it and to be honest, it's stupid. Who am I even trying to prove this to?
YOU ARE READING
It does get better.
PoetryPeople say it will get better. But to be fair, most of them never were in your place. They say you will get happy again, but how can they know? I've struggled with trauma, mental illnesses and self harm for many years. These are (mostly) poems - abo...
