Note: This includes swearing, bullying and being suicidal. It's more a vent than a "real" poem
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They said it just were jokes
That I shouldn't take it so seriously
My grandma said it's cause they liked my
My aunt said they just envied me
But if you really liked me you wouldn't hurt me, right?
You wouldn't push or hit me
You wouldn't call me worthless and ugly until I believed it
You wouldn't put rumors to life about me biting people
If you really liked me, you would like having me on your team
You would at least choose me last
Instead you completely ignored me
I never got an invitation to my friend's birthdays
If you envied me you still wouldn't tell me to go and die
Maybe you would try to humiliate me
But you wouldn't threaten to beat me to death
If it all was just a joke-
In what fucked up world is it funny to be a cuss
How would I laugh about being called a whore at 10
How are some of your "jokes" literal sexual harassment
How do you fucking dare telling me you're being bullied when you're the one bullying me
Then they say just stop being a victim
Just wait a week or two, they will stop
It were five fucking years, not even counting all that happened before
Oh, and I tried, I tried so hard
But I gave up
Because defending myself resulted in blame
Because then suddenly it all was my fault
You got people believing I tried to kill her
When actually I only did that to myself
Now don't you dare say I should just forgive and move on
Don't you fucking dare
Let my have some time, it's nothing you get over with in a year or two
It's fucking trauma
I still get flashbacks and nightmares
I panic and dissociate
If you want me to forgive then make them apologize
And maybe then I will consider it
But don't you fucking talk that shit to me when you don't know crap
Don't you dare.
☆
I really needed to get this off my chest. Sometimes swearing can be healing. And it's a much better form of relieving anger than self harm is.
YOU ARE READING
It does get better.
PoetryPeople say it will get better. But to be fair, most of them never were in your place. They say you will get happy again, but how can they know? I've struggled with trauma, mental illnesses and self harm for many years. These are (mostly) poems - abo...
