It does get better.

☆ Living Ghost ☆

You seemed to be a happy kid
You used to laugh like one, but never were
You smiled because you always hid
Because your life was too unfair

I saw red lines on your hand
But I never asked
I was too young to understand
And now you're just a living ghost of my past

Now I know what it was
Now I know what the words all meant
Now that I've gone through the same
But now it's far too late

I now get why you'd want to quit
There was always something in the air
But now I have to admit
That I never was aware

I didn't realize what was going on
That your mother was an addict
Or what it meant your dad was gone
I didn't know your problems and conflicts

I now know you harmed yourself
I now know you lived in poverty
I now know you were depressed
I now know you had no friends

Today, I wonder how much worse it was
I don't know what abuse you've been through
But I do remember all the games you played
I know I'm way too late
But what did they do to you?

We didn't seem to fit
People, they would stare
I never understood it
And I tried not to care

We were weird, and I didn't question it
Now I know of trauma and disabilities
Back then, I didn't understand no bit
You must've had so many liabilities

I can't stop thinking about you
I still know your name
Remember the day you were born
And the place where you lived

I was too young to see you were so lonely
And now it's too late for me to be there
I can't help but think, "If only"
I wanted to find you, but didn't know how or where

And now I did
But had nothing to say

I recognized you in an instant
After so many years, you just walked past me
You've grown up, yet still are the same

Your auburn hair and sad green eyes
The hints of acne on your face
Your olive jacket and dark brown pants

You're turning twenty but still look vigilant
Your posture still is of a frightened child
And I'm so sorry I couldn't help you

When you walked past me, time slowed down
I wanted to call out your name and talk to you
But I stayed silent

And now I can't get you out of my head

☆

I'm sorry. I wish I had said something.
I wish I had asked where you are now in life, how you're doing.
We were best friends, but I could never help you. For the past 8 years I always gone back to worrying, wondering if you're still alive. The I see you, but instead of asking, I just stare at you like some creep, trying to figure out if it's really you. I'm sorry. I had a chance to talk to you, and I let it pass.